Whitey white!

Here's Josh's before and after. Didn't work very well but giving him a wife beater cracked me up!

Given the title of this post, I should be running for prez. Eat your heart out, Hil!

Half white

Here's Daisy's Simpson's avatar. My theory seems to be correct so far. Onward to a fully white person!

All look same

I was lamenting to my Asian co-workers/neighbors today how difficult it was to create an Asian avatar. For example, Yahoo avatar only offers one Asian face!
So they created Simpsons avatars of themselves through Simpsonizeme.com and used them as the name plates on their doors. We were all cracking up.
Now that I'm in the comfort of my own home, I decided to load in a picture of myself and create my Simpson avatar. Behold, the before and after pics.
(I chose the skin tone, sex and nerdy style of dress for my avatar.)
As you can see it didn't work very well for me. So I'm going to do Daisy next (half white) and then Josh (fully white) to see how they turn out.

Delay on my monogrammed towels

My towels are back-ordered and not scheduled to arrive until early June. Bummer!!!!

Stuph!!!

We're going to be getting a new camera and computer. Woo hoo!

Happy Birthday Daisy!!!

My little one turned one today!

Today, she took 62 steps before falling! A few days ago, she reached a max of 47 steps and less than a week ago, I counted around 14 steps.

Check this out

The photobook of our Thailand and Hawaii vacations that I've been working on.

Sadie and Dazee

I thought this was a nice picture of the two of them.

Flowers

I think these colorful Rembrandt tulips came out the nicest in the garden. They are tall, dramatic and colorful.

These were interesting purple pastel fringey tulips that my brother sent to my mom for Mother's day.

New hobby du jour

Digital scrapbooking! I'm going to make photobooks to:
a) pass the time
b) find a use for the thousands of pictures that I'm taking of my kids
c) give an outlet to my "creative" energy

I'm going to have to figure out which vendor and which software to use; I will be reviewing them all on the blog. I already started by saying I think the Mypublisher software sucks. But this is because I know how to use PhotoShop. Ideally, I'd like to use something less intense than Photoshop but don't want to use simpleton bloatware.

Crappy software

I'm quite upset over the Mypublisher software. First off, the dang thing makes you install a local application that can easily be web-based. Then it has the nerve to not give you a choice of which directory to install and where to keep the files that it produces. Finally, if you delete unwanted files, it doesn't show up in the program any more but it's still being secretly stored on your hard drive. Making one stinky 50MB photo book costed me at least 600MB of space on my hard drive. I'm supremely pissed.

I'm at the same grammatical level as Mike Tyson

How is it that I skated by over 30 years of life without knowing that CANNOT is ONE word and not two? A co-worker of mine helpfully pointed this out and I'm so grateful. She had courage to tell me the equivalent of you have spinach stuck between your teeth. THANKS JK!!!!

On another note, I checked with my husband and office neighbors, they all knew it was one word too. Josh added, altogether is one word. I knew that. I added ARE NOT are two words. Except I think I said, ARE NOT is two words.

Confession: I nearly failed the test of standard written english (TSWE), a test of grammar that I had to take with my SATs. This is why I'm saying I'm on par with Mike Tyson.

Bummer!

It will be a full month since I placed my monogrammed towels order before I receive them in my greedy little hands.
Stay tuned - when I receive them in little less than two weeks, I will provide a full report with pictures galore.

Because life is so short...

I'm going to pick up my goody goody husband's habits. Last weekend, I decided that I will now garden. Tonight I just got back from exercising with him. I jogged slowly while he power walked and we enjoyed a good conversation.

Dazee walking!

All of a sudden, Dazee can walk many steps. Literally, only yesterday she was falling down the stairs due to intentional parental negligence and last week she fell into a hole we dug. How fast they grow!
She's going to be one in exactly one week!
At the end of the video, you get glimpse of her sister trying to kill her. The loud giggling is my mother. Sadie is saying in Thai - Moo Tong (Dazee's Thai nickname) is walking!

For my dial up customers, the video is 14.5MB so it might be too frustrating for you.

Make work play

For quite some time, I had been struggling when attempting to feed my younger daughter a bottle of milk. She is very clear about her displeasure: her body stiffens, she bucks her head back and forth like an angry bull, pushes away the bottle with much force and screams bloody hell.

There's even a funny story about Josh feeding Daisy. Once, he was asked to feed Daisy and was given information by my mother that she will "act" resistant, but keep persisting and she will take her bottle. He relayed to me that he used all of his force and he could not overcome her resistance. First he started pushing on her and she pushed back. He also tried to force the bottle down in a stealthy way, to which she responded with effective blocking. Can you imagine a 170 lb man taking on a baby?!

Anyway, Daisy's scorn for milk sent me into a tailspin of scientitific and emotional analysis - did she not like the temperature of the millk, was the composition of milk to formula ratio too large or small, did she like to eat upstairs or down, was she pissed at me for going back to work, is she mad about weaning from nursing, etc.? I kept adjusting whatever variables I could think of, hoping to cure her contempt and get the feeding done. These experiments yielded some success (though inconsistent, much like how the primaries are playing out for Mrs. Clinton).
Yesterday, I might have found the silver bullet. Instead of approaching feeding her as something I needed to do, as an end goal, I approached it as a process.

I put her into my lap in the "position", she clearly knew what was going on and started her baby-in-distress routine. But instead of trying to shove the bottle of milk into her mouth, I let her pull off the cap. Then she put it back on. She did this about six times, each time I told her in a high pitched baby voice "open" or "close". This activity was highly amusing to her baby senses. Then in her excitement or lack of dexterity, she drops the cap. So I move it to feed her and she drinks a little milk. After a few sips, she pulls off as if I'm trying to gag her and we play the open and close game again. After a few volleys, she starts to open her mouth wide to "eat" the cap, I take this as an opportunity to pull the cap away and insert the bottle. Success.

I had to approach the feeding as an activity that was an enjoyable activity for both of us. I went from "I must feed her" to "I must trick her" to "I will enjoy her".

My little geisha

This was taken at a Japan fair.

Humiliated!

On Friday, we attended adult Shabbat services. As I walked through the parking lot, I noticed a group of people, all decked out in finery. Men with wool suits and women in fashionable tops and skirts. I had a sinking feeling about my own outfit as well as my daughter's; we were both wearing tight skinny jeans with sneakers.

As it turns out, you're supposed to dress up for Shabbat. My Jewish husband failed to tell us that. I hate violating a dress code or being disrespectful and on top of that, I was actually called to the bima for an aliyah. I wanted to crawl into a hole!

While I was up there, one of the rabbis started rubbing Saydee's sweatshirt and remarked, Oooh what a nice sweatshirt. I don't know if he was trying to be a jerk or was totally clueless but I was humiliated enough without this extra attention.

At the bima, I'm standing next to a women who generally looks like a slob. I barely recognized her with make up and all decked out in a velvet suit. Another woman next to me is wearing couture like clothes - a pleated silk skirt, silver silk sweater top and her neck was accessorized with a diamond vine necklace.

I still feel humiliated!!!

Busy weekend

Lilacs! Not particularly beautiful on the bush, but after I cut them and arranged them into some vases, they are quite nice indoors. Fills up the bathroom with a great smell, unlike what we're normally used to.
Some beautiful tulips Josh planted in our front and back yard. I was skeptical that they would come up given how late in the season they went in.

We'd been admiring the weeping cherry trees in our neighborhood so we got one yesterday and planted it. We dug a 2 ft hole (whew!). Sadie was a huge help in pushing the dirt in her wagon while poor Dazee fell into the hole! Here's Sadie standing in front of the finished product. Scraggly-looking, but I'm excited to see the progress over the next few years.

Backlight setting!

Look at the difference between these two pictures of the same thing with a different camera setting!

Date Night!

Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, Josh and I had a date night. We went bowling and had a pretty good time. In our first game, Josh was on fire and scored an impressive 136. I was pretty hot myself with my score of 94. Then we bowled a second game and our scores really soured. 100 for Josh and 77 for me.

On another note, we were shocked how expensive bowling is compared to our youthful memories. $7 per game and $4.50 for shoe rental. Ripoff!

My daughter the model with a gut

I've been talking or half-joking a lot about pimping my kids to pay for college. I totally forgot about how my daughter's photograph has already been published!Last year we were approached by a photographer for the Daily News at the New York Botanical Garden. Sadie was not in a good mood for pictures. The photographer took hundreds and probably none came out good but I think she thought Sadie was so cute, she used a picture any way. Check it out the Daily News website for the online version of the "story". I never bought a copy of that day's newspaper, maybe I should, for her portfolio of pro-bono work. Oh wait, wrong career.

Caption: Sadie Star, 2, looks like a little flower herself as she points to the colorful display.

Heartbreak hotel

Each morning, before I leave for work, my younger daughter is gripping tightly as I struggle to put her down or pass her to my mother. My older daughter is standing on a step stool, waiting for a hug and a kiss. Before I step out of the door, I see my second daughter writhing and crying in my mom's arms, hoping I'll come back and take her back into my arms. As I walk out, I turn around and I see my older daughter's face pressed to the window by the door. I wave and look back a few times until I can't see her anymore.

Living Large

While my husband is eating, in the executive dining room, a daily hearty breakfast of toasted bagel with lox, tomatoes, onions and capers, fresh squeezed citrus juices, yogurt and who knows what else he’s cramming down his mouth, I’ve used our executive health services twice in the last 3 months.

I can only rave about the refined VIP services. They must be mistaking me for somebody else, but I like to play along. Let me describe how today’s visit went.

I called at 11:30 and got booked for a 12PM appoint – the same day! As I walk in, I’m surrounded by hardwood floors and Pottery Barn furnishings. After a few minutes of sitting on an abundantly cushioned sofa reading Town and Country magazine, someone politely interrupts me to apologize for the wait. The doctor will be with you shortly, she assures me.

A few minutes later, the doctor comes into the waiting area, greets me, shakes my hand and introduces herself and I’m almost pissed that I didn’t get to finish reading/daydreaming in the article about how Georgio Armani’s niece furnishes her apartment in Milan. In a regular doctor’s office, I’d be sitting on crappy, stained and un-cushioned industrial furniture with exposed bolts, reading a wrinkled pored over copy of something like Reader’s digest, waiting for an hour until some loud, obnoxious and uncheerful employee shouts and mispronounces my name with unmistakable irritation.

Back to my executive health nirvana -- There are no forms to fill in or long checklists of ailments to complete because the doctor asks specific questions, listens to you and takes down notes. Then the doctor takes your vital stats, not a nurse or assistant so there’s no time lost in “changing of the guard” as different employees parade in and out of your exam room.

Then I go to have blood work done. The phlebotomist wants to know if I prefer blood to be drawn from my left arm or right. She tries to reassure me because I don’t like being pricked with a needle. While she inserts the needle, she engages me in a banal conversation, she wants to verify that I’m wearing cashmere and how soft she thinks it is. After that’s completed, I’m invited into the wait area to eat or snack. This is where I hit pay dirt big time. Grilled vegetables, salmon, fresh squeezed Valencia orange juice, an array of cheeses, sesame crackers, non-fat apple muffins and on and on await me. I munch on some California roll, help myself to some shrimp kebabs and crunch on some steamed vegetable medley- cauliflower, broccoli and carrots. It’s like I’m at a spa. I can’t finish my food so I decide to carry out the leftovers. Someone asks me if I want a bag and I feel like a total chazer.

After I’m done, I check out with the receptionist, who provides me with the bill, perfectly folded in a ecru envelop, as if I just spent $10,000 on knick knacks. My tab? $15.

The only thing that can dampen the situation is how much information is released to your employer. I’m going to assume that it’s private but you never know. It’s obviously subsidized, insurance could never endorse or reimburse for the refined, service-oriented experience.

Sushi - more American than apple pie

So my diatribe on sushi spurred some off-line outcries. Yes it's true, sushi makes me gag. This is a big step for me - I don't like admitting it- it sounds so unsophisticated that I don't eat sushi. I also hate sourdough bread. There.

I discovered a new and effective diet

...eat foods you hate. Yesterday I forced myself to eat sushi for lunch. It made me want to gag. By dinner time, I was still reeling from the effects of eating the most horrid food I can think of.

This morning, I'm still not fully recovered. Even my favorite foods don't seem enticing.

I'm feeling thin and cranky. I think I'll go use heroin now and hope for a modeling contract.

Despiccable selling strategies

Whenever I get a manicure or my eyebrows threaded or waxed in a new salon, they get so excited to sell additional services in a not so polite manner.

Do you want a mustache wax? they often ask. If I politely say no, they up the ante. How about your back, do you want that waxed? Jesus! It's so wrong to prey on my self-esteem so that they can make more money.

Josh relayed a similar story at Saks. Someone was trying to sell perfume to him but he politely declined. So they escalated it to do you want to get skincare? He declined to do that. Then they lashed the final blow, do you want to get something to correct the sun damage on your face?

How can these scum-bags look at themselves in the mirror every morning? How can they live with themselves, using these cheap and insulting tactics to sell products or services?

They grow up so fast!

We took Sadie to work today. Co-workers and I helped apply lipstick, blush and nail polish on her. She was loving it. She insisted on walking around with my high heels on.

It's a freaky how a little makeup and high heels instantly transformed my cute toddler daughter into a beauty pageant vamp.

Doody talk

People love it!

Here's a link to an Advertising Age article on how direct the toilet paper ads have been getting and recently, their sales figures are up.

Here's a link to a Charmin ad where a bear gets pieces of toilet paper vacuumed off his behind and later they shake their groove thang more confidently.

This doesn't make any sense

On weekends, I wake up like 2 hours later than weekdays and I can easily skip breakfast without even realizing it.

On weekdays, if I eat something piddling like a banana as soon as I wake up, I can last until a late lunch (past 1 PM). However, if I eat a nice breakfast (like a bowl of oatmeal and granola), when I arrive at work (about 1 1/2 hours after I wake up), by 11 AM my stomach is growling and I feel so dizzy for food. Why do I starve for food and much sooner the more and later I eat on weekdays?!!! You would think a big bowl of oatmeal can last me to a late lunch but as soon as I eat it, I'm ready for a steak.

So excited!!!

I just ordered 21 monogrammed towels from Horchow.
I'll get them in two weeks.

A few things that could dampen the situation:
1. What if they arrive and the quality or colors are not what I expected? Because they're personalized, I won't be able to return them. I probably won't have much luck trying to eBay KSJ monogrammed towels.
2. What if in the meantime or even at a later date, I find other towels I love? Then I'm going to kick myself.

Finally, how come towels come in such pale, demure colors? I'd love to get a rich royal purple but I can't find this anywhere. Moreover, the purple family in towels seems like a rarity. Most people want their towels in shades of white or blue? WHY?!

What Jews and Asians love to talk about

Who pays?
Last night my husband, sister and I got into a very spirited discussion with my in-laws about who should pay for what and how to make that a reality without awkwardness.

Who pays for dinner? How much?
First topic, dinner with a big group. Obviously if it's at your house, you pick up the "tab". But if you invite someone out to dinner to a restaurant and it's for an event like your birthday or because you won some kind of award, then I think it's a little tricky. My in-laws cited an event where they thought the person organizing should have picked up the tab but the bill was split among "guests". My sister thinks that if it doesn't take place in your home, you always split the bill. I think the most awkward thing is that if all you had was a salad or a Coke and the rest of the group consumes a lot more food and drinks, should you pay the average?

Dang it you people who order the most expensive thing on the menu or you lushes that hold your alcohol well because you're increasing my cost to hang out with you....
I do take an internal mental note of people who order the most expensive thing on the menu and then casually pay the average (why don't they loudly cheer what a good deal they're getting?). I think people should put in the average and subtract a little less or add a little more depending on what you ordered. That means you have to pay attention to prices and what you ordered; For some people, it's pretty hard to do and it's not how they eat out or celebrate -- I can appreciate this lifestyle difference. I read in an etiquette book somewhere that if you can't deal with the unfairness of the situation of paying more than what you ate/ordered then you shouldn't go because hanging out with the group harmoniously supersedes fairness. I do think it's an arbitrage situation at the expense of the group for some people who would never order the most expensive thing on the menu if they had to foot the entire bill. So boo on them.

Who pays for what a wedding? Who buys a gift for whom?
The second topic was who foots the bill for what at a wedding and who gets a present for whom. The whole thing is a joke to me. I guess it makes sense to have all these arcane rules if you marry young because you don't have a lot of money so you rely on various people to pay for various parts of your wedding. (Bride's parents pay for the wedding, groom's parents pay for the honeymoon, blah blah blah) A lot of it can be inefficient. My husband served as an usher for a wedding so he had to pay for the tux rental. As his gift he received a men's grooming kit that he's tucked behind some drawer, never to see the light of day. What if the couple just pays for the tux rental and we forget about the "gift"? Or we split the cost of the tux rental with them? As a guest, I don't mind helping to pay for parts of it, I just don't want to be party to these inefficient customs that create more waste for landfills.

I doubt I'll get elected on this platform -- Wedding couples pay for everything. And no gifts!
I didn't get my bridesmaids gifts but I also didn't make them pay for the dresses that they wore. (I did make them pay beaucoup bucks to fly to Thailand.) Instead of having rules of who's supposed to pay for what, I'm of the mind set that the couple pay for everything (except transportation, hehehehe) and if you can't afford it, then no wedding or a smaller scale wedding. And I hate that the default is to get a gift for the couple. How about no gifts as the default? I'm sure a lot of people would tomato gun that idea.

Prescriptions for behaviors (especially my wallet) - Blech!
I hate having to get someone a gift out of custom, I prefer gift-giving when the mood strikes or when I come across something appropriate. Gift giving should be fun and meaningful for both parties, but often it's stressful for both the gifter and giftee because of ridiculous social confines and screwed up expectations.

My husband - a liberator of women?

When my marriage was impending, I practiced signing my new last name. But I could never get the hang of it since I'd been using another signature 20 years. Josh gave me the brilliant idea of keeping my signature even though I was changing my last name to his.
Today, a co-worker heaped praise for Josh's generous act of chivalry as he knows lesser men that would make their spouse change their signature to reflect something legibly closer to the new name.
I decided with new resolve to keep my signature no matter what happens to my last name. I think it's traumatic to have to change your signature no matter how much you practice.

Totally nutty

So peanuts aren't kosher for Passover for Ashkenazi Jews but walnuts, almonds and other nuts are.

Better to have blogged and lost than not blogged at all.

Wow, blogging's not like learning how to ride a bike (not that I would personally know if that adage is true or not) if you don't do it for a while, it feels unfamilar.

At one point, I was in the blog groove, blogging every day - it felt so natural. Now that I'm back from a month long break, blogging feels like hanging out with a best friend from elementary school.

Here are some other skills that I've lost:

1. Driving. Josh drives me every where. Now when I get into a car I feel like I don't even know where the steering wheel is. This is definitely ironic because when I first met him, he didn't know how to drive. I taught him how to drive a stick shift, I like to say.
2. Personal finances and investing. I used to pay my own bills and choose my own investments. Now I reach into my wallet, pluck out a credit card and sometimes I'm told that my card's been declined or cancelled (as a result of my husband chasing every deal or new card). And all my trading accounts have been liquidated. I have zero knowledge, therefore zero power. I self-medicate by spending and blogging.

Here's an idea of what I'm in charge of:
1. Household, kids, relationships, remembering stuff, computer stuff, electronic social networks (e.g. facebook, blogging), complaining

What *not* to say to a Mom

I've been involved in a little disagreement with my daughter's pre-school teachers.

Their defense? Something to the tune of we're only looking out for her best interest.

WTF?!!! What am I doing? Getting paid by them to say that?

What the heck are Bear Stearns employees doing?

JS, a male Bear Stearns employee talks to me in this third installment.

Me: It's been about two weeks since the merger with JPM was announced. What are you doing at work?
JS: My main business in pretty much dead. We're really not seeing any customer business. But I'm there because I'm waiting to see what the next step is. So I've been trying to develop a prop trading strategy. It's been at the very least interesting.
Me: Why would JPM want to buy a building with no business?
JS: I think we can get customers back. But we need to know what our current situation is because no one is going to bother getting customers until we know the status of our jobs. Until we know, we're just a shell.
Me: Anything newsworthy or juicy that only a Bear employee would know?
JS:People go on interviews and they basically do it confidentially [without telling anybody], when they're on those interviews, they also see their coworkers interviewing at the same place and same time. It's always a funny moment.
Me: Um, how do you know this?
JS: Personal experience. It happened to me.
Me: Someone at HQ was very angry as he relayed to me that they blocked takeareport.com. He conjectured that they must have figured out that too many employees were wasting their time there. So what websites are you going to?
JS: I don't go to websites that are not reasonably relevant.
Me: No jailbabes.com for you?
JS: No
Me: How can you take it? Just sitting there?
JS: I'm not just sitting there. There are middle office people who are trying to pass themselves off as traders. So they've been picking my brain asking endless questions about trading to pass themselves off as traders. The funny thing is there are some questions they ask that I have to tell them it's really outside the scope of what their brain can comprehend.
Me: What happens in a moment like that? How does it make them feel?
JS: They accept that.
Me: Don't they think you're a prick?
JS: I AM a prick. But they respect that I'm sharing my knowledge because no one else would take the time. My knowledge is broad and deep.
Me: Do you think they will be successful as traders?
JS: I don't think they'll be able to get a job like that.
Me: Why not? You've mentioned to me that interviews are just conversations, not really interviews.
JS: They are at the higher levels. At the more junior levels they are more detailed and less conversational.
Me: What if they wore a headset and you talked in their ear telling them how to answer each question?
JS: It could work with a lot of practice.
Me: So how do you get an entry level job as a trader?
JS: It's very difficult. Most people join after having a stint with a summer internship program or two.
Me: So the barriers to entry are high. I had no idea what I wanted to do junior or senior year of college to get it together and get specific internships that would lead to a full time job right after graduation...
JS: Yes, the job itself pays very well and it's not that hard.
Me: Are people still going to work on time?
JS: No, the place is thinning out. There aren't as many people there. And they come in later and leave earlier. I think a lot of people are taking time off right now.
Me: Are they getting paid for it?
JS: You can stop going in and still get paid.
Me: How do you know that?
JS: I think it'd be fine.
Me: How was the executive cafeteria compared to the regular cafeteria?
JS: I just found out that anyone can eat breakfast for free in the exec cafeteria if you wear a tie. Maybe you have to be an SMD but nobody checked. So I'll be going on a regular basis.
Me: What kind of offerings do they have in the exec cafeteria?
JS: Honestly it wasn't very good. Yogurt, fruit, juice, milk cereal. Some pastries. Cold bagels.
Me: What about the set up?
JS: Service is like a hotel and the set up is nice but the food is pretty basic, not impressive.
Me: Have you ever been in the executive bathrooms?
JS: Supposedly Ace Greenburg has a bathroom on our floor. But it's hard to believe that there's plumbing on that side of the building. But people seem to believe that it's true.
Me: I heard that the 14th floor has exec bathrooms.
JS: I only knew about the 14th floor having conference rooms. I'll go check it out [to see if there are any exec bathrooms] on Monday.
Me: Why?
JS: Our bathrooms are sucky. They're crowded. They stink.
Me: What do they stink of?
JS: Feces.
Me: Are people not flushing, is there poor ventilation; what's the cause?
JS: Large stinky dumps.
Me: Do you dump at work?
JS: I try to use a handicapped bathroom.
Me; Why is that better?
JS: Higher toilet seat.
Me: How does that help?
JS: Keeps my balls out of the cold water.
Me: I think that's a good end to this interview. Thank you very much, JS.

Addendum: After the interview and when my disgust for JS's final answer subsided, I thought about how it doesn't make any sense. The distance between the toilet seat and the water well / bowl would have to be greater than a regular toilet[for his balls not to hit the water], but when I think of handicapped toilets, I think of a higher base/stem/pedestal. I don't see how a higher base would help his situation.

URL Propagated so fast, I fell off my chair!

Within minutes of purchasing www.bearstearnsspouse.com, the domain has propagated and the URL works! Incredible!

I have a new blog!!!

Bear Stearns Spouse - that's what I am.
The new blog is at http://bearstearnsspouse.blogspot.com/ or http://www.bearstearnspouse.com/

I just bought the domain for $10, it will be a few days before the second link will work.
My Bear Stearns spouse is probably not happy about the money spent, equivalent to one share of Bear. But I'm in a weird emotional state, so I'm allowed to give myself petty spendthrift indulgences.

Blog - safe haven

So I had to get up and speak in front of the entire company today. I usually dread it because I don't think I'm very good at it and it scares the bejesus out of me. I prefer to interact with people one or one or write blogs as forms of communication.

Another blog from Lost in Dixie

Here goes another post from my friend, Lost in Dixie:
While in the doctor's office waiting room, I half listened to the television and a commercial on charmin showed up. This commercial featured 2 cute polar bears--each with brooms swatting each others' asses... they said, and this was offensive--you don't want "bits"--use charmin this is so disgusting!! who the hell gets bits unless you have a hairy AH
yet the fact that they chose "bears" indicates that they are a) appealing to men with hairy AHs--or who are as hairy as a bear b) children who think they are cute, will giggle, and then point to the screen.

My assessment is that "bits" is referring to lint (which would be totally relevant to bring up in a toilet paper commercial and if your AH is hairy, it could make a linty situation worse, but it's a problem even for people with bald AHs), not pieces of shit (I assume Dixie is grossed out because she thinks "bits" are pieces of shits?!)

But I'm going to have say that I don't want my blog to become a farce: an open forum to talk about your shit!

What the?

My good friend, Lost in Dixie, asked that I post this picture to my blog. She gave no explanation and since I'm pretty dorky, need to follow through on things and can't post stuff without appropriate attribution, I went to the website. I found out that it's from David Byrne's (Former head of the band Talking Heads?) blog and that the artist who originated this gave some commentary as to the meaning of it all. Before I provide that to you, I attempted to make sense of this photo by Christine Fichera.

A naked man is tied to a tree. A Cabbage patch kid is asking to be held or maybe is worshipping the naked man with shoes. Finally, there is a piece of orange on a little dish.

OK here's the artist's (Jarvis Rockwell, Norman Rockwell's son) explanation, straight from DB's blog - "That's essentially my father and me. My father is tied to a tree, with a light set up. I'm standing in a coracle with a pacifier in my mouth and the coracle has no prow, so it just floats like a lily pad. E.T. is reading from the book."

Hmmm...looks like I have as much clue about it as Jarvis.

1 out of 2 men prefer the blog over an actual mensch

In a random poll of 2 men (with selection bias), 1 out of 2 prefer the blog to the real me.

My in-laws have been staying with us for 4 days. During that time, my father in law kept complaining about my blog not being updated. In a fit of frustration, I blurted that I thought hanging out with me would be better than reading my blog. He pointed out that it wasn't.

In another unexpected turn of events, thankfully, I have a husband who'd rather talk me than read my blog.

Hamantaschen - my new favorite dessert

My mother in law makes the bestest hamantaschen. They are so incredibly delicious; I could eat myself into diabetes and obesity. I asked her to teach me how to make them when I visit VT in May. If I still feel up to it, I'll post pictures and instructions as a public service.

Marriage - One big misunderstanding?

My co-worker, GH (who has a great blog) posted recently about the differing opinions on the point of marriage and it had me in a fit of giggles and tears. He writes, "... what if nobody ever has the same thoughts on marriage? I mean, maybe that's why so many marriages now end in divorce. Is it simply all one big misunderstanding?"

Can you imagine this conversation between Eliot Spitzer and his wife?

Eliot: Hey Silda, there's been a terrible misunderstanding...
Silda: Whew! What a relief Eliot. I knew that you using a prostitute had to be one big misunderstanding. Maybe a set up with political motivations.
Eliot: Er...umm...I meant that affairs should be illegal and hookers legal.

Ha!

Happy Easter, Peeps!

A coworker of mine sent this and it's too hilarious not to post. Don't you love the stripper peeps? One's doing a pole dance and a few have money in their g-strings. How about the one with a boob cover cum Janet Jackson-esquewaldrobe malfunction and no bottoms? The best has to be the fat yellow peeps presumably paying to watch all this.

Another Bear Stearns Employee Interview

SG, another male Bear Stearns employee speaks to me. This time the interview is on-site!

Me: How long have you been working here?
SG: 1.5 years.
Me: What do you do for Bear Stearns?
SG: I'm a prop trader.
Me: Are people really working right now?
SG: Yes. The motivation is less to work really hard, but after the compensation announcement last night I'm feeling better.
Me: What are you doing?
SG: I'm a prop trader so I can continue to work on my skills and try to do different things [with the market], regardless of where I work.
Me: Who isn't working then?
SG: The sales guys. Their asset is the phone book so they don't need to be looking at the market like me. They won't do their work until they know where they'll land.
Me: Is it true that once your stock is vested, you don't have access to sell it?
SG: That's what I heard and it's not the case where I used to work. I think it's not the case anywhere.
Me: It's messed up.
SG: Well it does vest in the normal schedule you just can't sell it.
Me: Same difference to me. If you can't sell it then you don't have it. Look what happened to the BS stock. Probably lots of people who had vested shares that couldn't sell that are totally screwed right now.
Me: What brought Bear Stearns down?
SG: It's a classic run on the bank.
Me: But why Bear?
SG: Well only broker-dealers can be targeted since the commercial banks [like JPM] have access to the discount window. Easier to pick on Bear than the other broker dealers. Goldman is sitting on a mound of cash, Lehman had a credit line and collateral. All Bear had was $17bn of collateral. And now we know Bear had $30bn in sub-prime assets.
Me: Change in subject. Do you agree with JS, another Bear employee that it's better to use a hooker than to have an affair?
SG: Absolutely. Less messier.
Me: Spitzer used the same girl on a number of occasions. What do you think of that?
SG: You can't use the same girl, I'd use a different one every time.
Me: JS says the relationship is clear so you can use the same girl if you want.
SG: The relationship is clear to the girl but not to you.
Me: I agree, you can't have the same poon tang over and over. Maybe something is drawing you to the same girl.
SG: What's poon tang?!
At this point, another employee next to me starts chortling and turns pink, the color of his shirt.
Me: What do you think about our new governor, Paterson, he's blind and had an affair.
SG: I was talking to my wife about this...she was in disbelief about how a blind guy can get involved in an affair. It's power. But [because of his blindness], who knows the quality of the affair. Also he's legally blind, which means he can still see.
Me: Would you pay $4300 an hour for a hooker? That's the rumored price of Spitzer's.
SG: No, not for a no-name, not worth it. Definitely for Julia Roberts. Then you can call up all your friends and brag that you bagged Julia Roberts.
Me: You can also be unscrupulous and videotape your encounter and try to hawk it.
The other male BS employee next to me chimes in, "Yeah I'd only pay that much if I could use it as blackmail."

Bear Stearns employee interview Part Deux

Background: JS, 35 year old male Bear Stearns employee trading equity derivatives speaks to me.

Me: It's Wednesday a few days after it was announced that BS will be sold to JPM for $2 a share. What are you doing at work?
JS: It's a funny situation because I'm in trading. For example, right after giving notice of quitting, a trader wouldn't be allowed to trade. I feel like there's no benefit to making money and no repercussions for screwing up. I used to trade with a conscience as if it were my own money and felt I had a stake in it but now it feels like trading someone else's money. It's a weird feeling. I still do the right thing but I could imagine cases of abuse.
Me: Are you actually working? I'd probably be gossiping with my co-workers if I were in your situation.
JS: Yes, I am [working]. But there's a lot of web surfing.
Me: Does Bear Stearns block porn?
JS: Yes, but you can still get some pretty good soft stuff.
Me: Tell me the latest internal news.
JS: We're waiting to hear tomorrow on a short term retention package for the next 3 months.
Me: Have people been laid off yet?
JS: No.
Me: Have there been a lot of quittings?
JS: More than I've seen before.
Me: I'm going to change the topic. What do you think about Eliot Spitzer and the whole prostution thing?
JS: I can't believe how expensive it was and that there has to be a cheaper way.
Me: I meant do you think it's right or wrong? Should he have lost his job over it?
JS: He has to lose his job because it's not good behavior for a public official. I don't personally hold anything against him besides losing respect because he got caught.
Me: How is common is using prostitutes?
JS: I just don't know.
Me: Do you know anyone who's used one?
JS: Not to my knowledge.
Me: What do you think about the new governor, Paterson? He came out in the news about having extra-marital affairs.
JS: I think hookers are better than affairs especially when you have a family.
Me: I'm going to kill you either way if you do, but what is your logic?
JS: A hooker presumably doesn't have emotional attachment, but in an affair it comes to question if you love that person or not. Where do your loyalties lie might be in question. An affair can pull apart a marriage. Hookers can pull apart a marriage too but only if the wife gets mad.
Me: Why wouldn't the wife get mad over a hooker?!
JS: (long pause) I can't think of a reason why she wouldn't get mad. But in the affair she'd probably get more mad. With hookers you generally don't leave your wife for one but you might with an affair.
Me: Let me set the record straight and just say that they're both bad. I don't think it's a good idea to have a moral hierarchy to condone one behavior over the other.
Back to BS: Are people really working?
JS: Yes, but people are unabashed about working on their resumes, talking to headhunters or going on interviews.
Me: What are you doing?
JS: I have to maintain my trading positions. I still address customer orders.
Me: Are you getting the same amount of business as if this whole thing didn't happen?
JS: It's a lot less.
Me: Is it true that there are psychologists on site to counsel employees?
JS: There always are. There's also a hotline for people to call. They're sending out more reminders of these existing services.
Me: How do they word these reminders?
JS: I don't know, I mostly ignore them.
Me: Don't you want to use one for free?
JS: No, do you think they know more than me and you?
Me: Do you feel like employees are engaging in some kind of camraderie or kumbaya based on going through this tragedy together?
JS: No. It's more of a competitive situation. It's not like a sinking ship that we're all going down together. There are different options based on who you know, what your skills are, etc. So people are in different situations, which takes the camraderie out. It's far from hopeless.
Me: The rumor is that 5000 people or so who will lose their jobs, how will the economy absorb them? Will they find jobs?
JS: I think so. There are other options like the hedge fund industry. A lot of people will go to the buy side. People can move geographically too.
Me: Are going to miss your sweet Grand Central commute?
JS: Yes especially when it's raining.
Me: Anything interesting or juicy going on?
JS: I heard a story, I don't if it's true that Alan Schwartz got beat up in the gym. And that Jimmy Cayne has a full time body guard now.
Me: I found a 47 page merger agreement published on the Bear Stearns website. What do you think of it?
JS: I didn't know about it until you mentioned it and it was an interesting read. Employees probably don't know it's there.
Me: I'm surprised it wasn't circulated as an internal memo. Have there been any internal memos? What are they about?
JS: It's pretty lame.
Me: Are you not at liberty to discuss them?
JS: They're so unmemorable.
Me: And you have a steel trap memory...
JS: There's no integrity with management so I don't even want to read.

Invisible hand and iron fist

How does one sue the government or can you even sue the govt? I'm wondering about this question because obviously a lot of BS employees and stakeholders are pissed at the Fed.
And when you sue the govt what can you get? Govt officials can stand to lose only their jobs, I can't think of anything else. The plaintiffs don't stand to gain anything. I'm trying to think of situations where the US government has committed wrongs (maybe even sins!) and what the repercussions were. In the case of annexing Hawaii illegally -- nothing but a statement of apology. In the case of slavery, the myth of 42 acres and a mule.
I guess in times of trouble, like during the Great Depression, the government tends to take a very active role. A sure sign we're headed towards something of that nature given the events over the past few days...I guess we let everything run merrily along under laissez faire which created the crisis in housing/sub-prime/lending. Now the Feds have to step in. Adam Smith is rolling in his grave.

News from this morning's WSJ

Finally, the first meaty story on Bear Stearns! I can really sink my teeth into this one.
A couple of reactions:
1. Seems like the Fed took control of a supposed free capital markets, much to the detriment of Bear Stearns. They forced the sale of BS over the weekend.
2. JPM covets 383 Madison (the building)
3. Everybody loves Chinese food (this is what JPM ordered while conducting due diligence).
4. The Fed's decision to open the discount window for investment banks is a few days too late for Bear. :(

Here's a semi-interview/personal account from BS employees' perspectives.

Bear Stearns employee interview

Full disclosure: I got scored this interview by sleeping with the interviewee. Is this unethical?

Background: JS, 35 year old male Bear Stearns employee trading equity derivatives speaks to me.

Me: How long have you been working at BS?
JS: 8 months.
Me: How do you feel about the current situation?
JS: I feel that management let me down and the Fed also.
Me: How so?
JS: I think it was important for the Fed to open the discount window to investment banks, all at the same time. If they'd done that a week ago, it might have prevented Bear Stearns from collapsing. [As for management], I think it took management too long to recognize they had a problem.
Me: Can you elaborate?
JS: Even I noticed the problems. I noticed our funding costs going up. I noticed some unusual trading activity on the 30 and 35 strike puts when the stock was trading at $80.
Me: So why didn't you buy some of those puts so we'd have a lot of money for our retirement and our kids' college education funds if you suspected something going down?
JS: As employees, we're not allowed to buy or sell the stock.
Me: What do you think about the JPM deal?
JS: It seems like they arrived at a very discounted number and even some of what JPM said suggested that they think they bought it for cents on the dollar. I believe they expect to harvest much of that value.
Me: Is the culture of firm ownership true?
JS: I don't know if it's forced upon people with a 5 year vesting period or whether it's a natural respect for the company, but there is a very high percentage of employee ownership. There is some element of belief that to own the stock is to be loyal to the company. But I also heard that your shares don't vest for 5 years, if that's true, I am extremely unimpressed with the Bear Stearns stock plan. (Average is 1-3 years vesting period)
Me: What was it like going in to work Monday? What did you expect?
JS: It was actually business as usual day.
Me: C'mon...really...It didn't feel as pivotal or emotional as going in to work like after 9/11? Your company went bankrupt overnight...
JS: No.
Me: How much employee wealth do you think is wiped out?
JS: I calculated $250K per employee, but the billion dollar loss from one guy is throwing this statistic off.
Me: Do you feel bad for any of your co-workers?
JS: Yeah. Especially the ones with a lot of stock.

Me: Were there any disgruntled or emotional employees? Outbursts? Drama? Tears?

JS: There were a number of people in a delicate emotional state. No tears streaming down their faces, but they were close to crying.

Me: Are you worried about losing your job?

JS: Not really.

Me: Why not? Are you more worried about me spending money?

JS: Yeah.

JS actually just conked out and started snoring so this interview is over.

I can't bear it any more

I've been especially dissatisfied with the reporting of the Bear Stearns situation in the press:

1. I'm tired of BS referred to as a "venerable" or "storied" firm of Wall Street. Before any of this happened, BS was considered a second or third tier bank.
2. I'm sick of JPM portrayed as the rescuer or giving BS a "bailout", "harking" to a 100 year or whatever history of saving troubled firms. It's obvious to me that whatever actions taken by JPM are self-serving.
3. Nobody seems to know the terms of the deal except the $2 a share business that is often linked to annoying information like, "and only a few days ago the stock was trading at $65" or "in January 2007, a high of $171 a share". They also like to talk about how the building alone is worth over $1 billion so it seems like a "fire" sale. Maybe or maybe not? $2 a share is superficial information and it's being overblown in the stories -- great material for a comic but not enough for a meaty story. We still don't know how big were Bear's liabilities, what are the breakup fees, if any, are there executive golden parachutes, what will happen to the employees, how did JPM conduct due diligence, how/when did the Fed get involved, etc. etc.

What I really want to know are the full terms of the deal, how the parties arrived at them and the personal stories of Bear Stearns employees. All of this is lacking in the press. Believe me, I've tried -- I've read every possible article on the "fall" of the "venerable" "85 year old" Bear. They're all the same repetitive crap that reads like the Sweet Valley High series.

Need Journalism 101

What is the point of journalism or reporting? Is it supposed to tell the truth (and how is that possible?) or inform (and what's the point of that?) Most of what I read in the papers today seem tabloid-style, sensationalistic headline grabbing, superficial crap. The headlines on Cnn.com are especially abominable, as I'm sure they're written by drunken fraternity brothers on unpaid internships. I've totally boycotted this website. Now blogging, everyone knows upfront that it's personal and biased so I don't hold bloggers to the same standards of writing with those of WSJ, CNN, NY Times ilk, blah blah blah. Is blogging a kind of journalism?

Great Depression

Here are links to top stories copied from Bloomberg's website.
It's going to be Black Monday tomorrow.

· Fed Cuts Discount Rate, Opens Lending to Primary Dealers in Emergency Move
· U.S. Futures, Asian Stocks, Dollar Tumble on Fed Cut, Sale of Bear Stearns
· JPMorgan Buys Bear Stearns for $240 Million, Tenth of Its Value Last Week
· Dollar Declines Below 96 Yen for First Time in 12 Years on Subprime Losses
· Australia, Japan Company Bond Risk Surges After Bear Stearns Sale, Fed Cut
· Housing Starts in U.S. Probably Slid to 17-Year Low, Factory Output Fell
· Macquarie, Mitsubishi UFJ Slump as Credit Concerns Mount on Bear Stearns
· Ahmadinejad's Nuclear Mandate Strengthened After Iranian Election Victory
· New York Rescuers Search for Missing After Crane Killed Four in Manhattan

Artist, pimp, cheapskate or no talent?

So, you might know that I've been complaining for like 'ever about my husband being reluctant to get us a better or SLR style camera. But now that his company is going bankrupt, it's a good time to find creative solutions to avoid spending any money. So what I did today was take a bunch of pictures using different modes and then played around with some image filters. I think some of the results is pretty neat, but my mother's opinion is that the original always looked better. Josh liked some of them but I'm not sure if it's motivated by encouraging me so I can feel good about not spending any money. I look to you for an honest opinion. So without further ado, all the doctored pictures are posted below. I'm too lazy to give you both the pre-and post production pics for a side by side comparison, but hopefully some of these stand on there own. (I was pretty enamored by the focal B&W effect so you'll see a lot of that here.) So what do you think? Should I quit my day job and take pictures of my kids and pimp them? (For a larger version, click on any of the pics)

Indian Toilets!

I found this link:
http://www.pbase.com/jtodhunter/indian_toilet
And it's pretty much the same situation in Thailand -- go through the pictures/tutorial on how to use squat toilets, what to do with the hose or if the hose isn't working, how to use the mug.

Would Josh use a call girl if he wasn't deathly afraid of me and spending a dollar?

Two days ago when news of Eliot Spitzer using a call girl broke out and he gave a brief talk with his wife Silda by his side, Josh asked me if I would stand by him like so many other faithful political wives have done. Of course my natural reaction to this question is suspicion-cum-fear-cum-anger - WHAT DID YOU DO?!! I asked.
Any we worked out that if he were to have a public job and messed up in some way, personal or professional, I promised to stand next to him as he apologized to the public.

Alaska in June

We're going to Alaska in June, and I put together a pretty full itinerary, but one I think we can handle:
Day 1: arrive 8pm, pick up some quick food and drive 1/2hour to B&B in anchorage.
Day 2: drive south ~2.5 hours towards Seward. Hike Exit Glacier (2-8miles rt). Dinner & sleep in Seward.
Day3: Cruise Kenai Fjords glacier bay. Return around 5pm. Drive 1.5 hours north to Alyeska resort in Girdwood
Day 4: spend the morning in Girdwood. drive 4 hours north to Talkeetna. Take airplane tour around Denali - land on a glacier.
Day5: drive another 1.5 hours to Denali for a 12pm water rafting ride through the park. Stay near the park.
Day 6: Take a 5:30 AM bus ride deep into the park, and then out. We can get out and walk/hike wherever we want. It'll be a long long day.
Day 7: Casual, with eventually making our way back to Anchorage (5 hours) for an 8pm flight home.

Sounds like a lot of driving, and it is, but the challenge was to see Denali, and get down to see the glaciers in the same short trip ... so that's it. It should be light 24 hours a day, so we won't be constrained by the day's hours ... just by our own energy.

Bottoms up!

I can't stop talking about Cottonelle taking over Grand Central. I even saw someone (maybe he works at Kimberly Clark?) take photographs of the ads with an expensive, professional looking camera. That's never happened with any other ad. I also notice some people chuckling or smiling as they read the ads -- New Yorkers aren't rude, they're just using the wrong toilet paper. Yesterday as I met my husband at GC during our commute home, I grinned at him and said a toast, Bottoms up! He didn't know what or why, so I pointed to the Cottonelle ad, with a hand clutching a roll of toilet paper hoisted in the air, like someone making a toast with a wine glass with the words, "Bottoms up!"
Hahahahah!

I need TP for my BH!!!!

Part Trois!
A quote of RC's intriguing comments:
"I'm confused, when you don't use 2 ply, don't you just use more? I find that I use more than twice as much paper at work than at home because the paper at work is just thinner. Have you ever tried their flushable moist wipes? http://www.cottonelle.com/product_wipes.aspx
I think they're great. Sorry that the ad offended you, but I think the product is much better than Charmin or Quilted Northern (but only the plain Cottonelle, not the thicker one or the one with all the added ingredients). If you want to talk about unpleasant TP, try living in Europe."

Yes, it's true, 1 ply would cause one to use more, or put you in the compromising and unsavory position of hand meeting BH, as eloquently stated by JS. Digression point: I grew up with soft 2 ply with cloud prints - maybe it was White Cloud brand? Similar in pricing with Charmin, Cottonelle, etc. I used to love using that TP, it as so pretty and I liked thinking how I was wiping my tushy with clouds. One day my mom discovered how over generous I was with the TP and I was given the rule, only 2 sheets at a time and wipe three times. It wasn't until I met Josh that he expounded that the rule for wiping was more subtle than 3x's the charm, look at the TP after each wipe and then act accordingly.
I went to the link for the moist wipes and here's how it's advertised:
"There's nothing like that "just showered" feeling – for all-over freshness, including our bottoms! Cottonelle® brand – one kind thing you can do for your behind – pledges a shower-fresh feeling that leaves you confidently clean."
I think this gives me support that you're supposed to wash after making a turd and the shower is a good place for that. I'm a little disturbed by the phrase "confidently clean".
RC - I had no idea that Cottonelle is superior to Northern or Charmin, I really want to know and hear more why that's the brand of choice. This dog isn't too old for new tricks - I would totally switch if I knew better or different.
Adding to the insult of poor quality TP in Europe, you often have to pay for it even in public restrooms!

Cold from cold?

So there's been a pretty long-running battle between Josh and my mother. She believes that Sadie and Dazee get sick from being in the cold and she has a lot of anecdotal data to support this hypothesis. Most of this falls on deaf ears with my husband and I'm sorta in the middle. My mother's a little more invested in this battle given that she has to deal with sick kids. But Josh and I would like to kids to go out more and spend time in the outdoors. Recently I read something in a magazine about viruses surviving in the winter season but not during the summer -- so I drew the conclusion that maybe my mother is right. Even though people love to say: You can't get sick from the cold/ not wearing hats/mittens as they are transmitted through viruses. Even my Harvard-educated husband enjoyed repeating this axiom, but he failed to acknowledge the subtlety of cold viruses merrily multiplying in the winter but lying dead and dormant in the heat of the summer. I've been trying to convince Josh that my mother has a point by mentioning what I read (albeit published in a "silly" women's magazine), telling him that they call it a cold for a reason, that tropical countries don't seem to have colds/flus and that every time I go somewhere warm for the winter, I'm cured of various ailments. All of this falls on deaf ears which is a little upsetting to me that he would accept time-worn axioms over personal experiences of his wife and mother-in-law. But recently, I got more ammunition to support me and my mother, thanks to Beth's blog and this article that she pointed us all to. They actually proved that flu viruses survive and multiply in cold weather, (interesting to note that the ideal temperature for the nasty creatures is 41 degrees) and that they all died when it reached 86 degrees. Thanks Beth and take that Josh!
So it really stinks that kids shouldn't go out and play too much in the bad weather because they're going to be more likely to get sick. More reasons to move to Hawaii!

Mor-ass

It seems like my previous post on Cottonelle has garnered some really interesting and charged responses as well as confusion, so a Part Deux is required.

1. It's a total travesty that society believes that wiping with toilet paper is enough.
2. Soft toilet paper, bleached toilet paper and 2 ply toilet paper are usually a waste of resources. They're nice to have only in few and specific instances.
3. I believe you should wash your tushy after making a bowel movement. You can do this with a bidet or the good old fashioned way - jump into the shower and wash with soap and water.
4. I mentioned earlier how men get excited when women talk about sex or body parts. Well they also get excited and engaged when you talk about bowel movements. One nice thing about talking about this topic instead of sex is that you can impress them and keep them interested without leading them to believe that you might have sex with them. You get them hot and heavy without having sex or talking about sex! I never saw my husband so happy and excited to talk about something!
5. Talking about poopy is my mom's admitted interest. She takes joy in reporting to me how my kids have pooped - how many times, the consistency, etc. Doesn't that give you insight to my personality? This is the kind of daily conversation I grew up with. I have an unfair advantage over other ladies in pleasing men. Unbeknownst to my mom, all her shit talk was very good geisha training.
6. I don't like Grand Central taken over by Cottonelle because it's like plastering all of Grand Central with toilet paper. It seems disrespectful. On top of that, it's a toilet paper that I would never buy for various reasons.
7. All dictionaries should use Josh's example of niggling on fragile toilet paper, causing your finger(s) to make contact with your bh for the regret entry. That is such a vivid illustration and it is understood and accepted by everyone. It's so universal that uttering it should be the new ice-breaker (instead of the weather) - instant bonding with anyone you meet or talk to!

I hope this clears up all the questions, but I'm happy to take on any more.

I've been forced to think about your tushy and mine

Cottonelle, the toilet paper from Kleenex has overtaken the North entrance of Grand Central station with their ads. In my opinion, they are pretty immature, risque and just wrong. First off, they are using this inane tagline: Be kind to your behind. Secondly, all of the ads make reference to your butt in relation to their toilet paper. Like "We shine where the sun don't."
I think toilet paper for is pretty effective for wiping pee for women. I know that men generally don't use toilet paper when they pee, but maybe they should.
Now, for #2. I'm of the belief that the best way to clean your bottom is to wash it. Toilet paper is a good alternative when you don't have convenient access to wash your heiny. And it is nice when it's soft. But when do you need soft toilet paper? Not for wiping (you really should be dabbing) urine and not when you're at home.
Theoretically, Cottonelle is hoping that you'll convert from whatever you're using and buy their toilet paper to use in your home. But when you're home, you can easily wash your tuchis. That means you can load your home with cheap toilet paper. You might have a few rolls of the good stuff for your guests or when you're in a rush. My conclusion? I think Cottonelle just wasted millions targetting the wrong audience. Why don't they influence the decision makers at Port Authority, office buildings and other public spaces? Well I guess maybe the target audience isn't as smart or anal as me -- my dear blog readers stop spending money on the soft stuff -- totally unnecessary! I do remember that toilet paper at the Hawaiian airports (I went through 3 of them) were two ply and really soft. Now that's SMART!

An investment idea

After my rush from shopping at Costco has subsided and I'm nearly $350 poorer...I'm still amazed not only by the rising costs of food but also by how some goods are so cheap in comparison. First some prices of foodstuffs, bread for $5, blueberries for $9, green tea for $12.50, soymilk for $9, natural juice blend for $8 etc. Yes, these were all gigantic sizes but still I racked up a sizeable $200 or thereabouts, just in food. On this same trip, I also got a terrific down alternative queen size comforter for my mother for $50 and king sized down alternative pillows for me at only $5 each. They are so plump and fluffy, I feel quite pleased with this particular purchase. I'm leaning on them now as I type this blog entry. Is it just me or is that really cheap in comparison with the foodstuffs? I can enjoy these pillows until I die but the bread will only be good for 4 days. What gives?!
The investment idea is to invest in Chilean farms or fruit producers. I've noticed that a lot of produce come from Chile, like blueberries, nectarines or onions. And the prices of this stuff is no longer cheap. Don't you feel like not so long ago onions were like 9 cents a lb and all of a sudden, they're $1.50-$2.00? It's at a point where if I'm disappointed by a fruit I buy, it takes a lot of aloha spirit to not bring it back for a refund.

They need some analytical guys over at Overstock

So I'm generally really bad at math, anyone who's finished middle school can do better arithmetic than me. But last night, even I was able to comprehend what I'm going to call mathematical magic. Here goes Retail Math 101.
I bought some rugs at Overstock because they were having a 5% site-wide discount on all home decor items. I also had a 10% coupon that came in the mail. Naturally, I thought the discounts would combine in a way that would work out to be least in my favor, that I'd have to pay something like this: .9x + (.05*.9x). But I actually got this discount: .9x - (100-.95x). So excited! I don't know if I set up these equations right and they are probably more complicated than they need to be, but basically instead of taking off the 10 percent first and then taking off 5% off of the remaining, (.9*.95 for a total of 14.5%), I got a full whopping 15% off! I know I only netted half a percent more but it's still exciting that the heydey of applying multiple coupons are back!