Thursday, May 16, 2013

My son is disgusting

"Mom! Dad!" S yells excitedly at us as we are waiting for the Costco employee to process all of our returns.
"What?" I reply wearily.
"Dylan found a piece of gum on the floor and is eating it!" she reports.
"DYLAN!" yells Josh, "Did you find a piece of gum and are you eating it?"
"No," he replies with the utmost gumption in his proclamation of innocence. He is chewing with his mouth open and clearly, he IS chewing gum.
"You didn't?" confirmed J.
"No," Dylan insists and assures his father of his innocence. All of this is happening in less than 5 seconds, but it feels like an eternity to me because I can almost feel the germs in my own mouth. I was really shocked by what I felt was a delay in the appropriate response. I started thinking that J was going to let this horrid act slide or that he was fooled by D's outrageous lying, but thankfully, he gave D a what-fo and told him how disgusting he thought it was. And of course, he made D spit out his found treasured booty.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Welcome back, Me, after a long blogging hiatus. The reason for starting up again is to "butter" (more about that later) my father in law all up.

You see, he'd rather read my blogs than interact with me. At least he had admitted to that in person in the past.

Anyhoo, because my mother has gone and moved in with my sister, I'm in need of intermittent childcare and occasional chauffeur. My father in law will be fitting this bill.

To get ready for his arrival, my husband and I are going into a nervous fit of frenzy making arrangements for his arrival. We are "afraid" that he could fly off the handle or get into a fit because something isn't just so or is just so, who knows? So we have major plans to clean the garage, basement and the room that he is staying in. And ultimately, maybe none of this would matter if he was in a good mood, but you never know. This way when he does have a fit, at least we can say, "Well, we tried."

This morning, my husband forgot to put the Smart Balance away so it was sitting on the countertop when I came downstairs and into the kitchen. I looked at the nutrition information, 90 mg of sodium per serving. I was satisfied, knowing that a tiny amount was going to add a lot of flavor. So I buttered up some toast for my kids. Then something on the package caught my eye, "Tastes like real butter". Now that set off some alarm bells in my head. It must be full of fake stuff and chemicals, I surmised, as it's trying to imitate something "real".

I scanned the ingredients and came up with diglycerides and a preservative or two. I wasn't sure what diglycerides are and it also reminded me of mono-diglycerides, which I see all the time in junky baked goods. So I did a little Google search. Basically that stuff is trans fat. It doesn't need to be labeled as such per the FDA (only triglycerides need to be called out as "trans fat"), since mono and diglycerides are classified as "emulsifiers". I don't know what kind of disgusting woo-ha this is but it allows manufacturers to use trans fat without labeling it. Another terrible thing is that a lot of mono and diglycerides are derived from animal sources. The redeeming factor in this area for Smart Balance is that it's made from "vegetable" diglycerides. But that only means that you are eating hydrogenated palm or other oils.

I hope that my in-laws stop using such a pernicious product. It will be very hard as they are both addicted (or maybe mostly my father in law). I don't have the guts to tell them to their face about this, so I will publish it on my blog.

And since this is the way my father in law prefers to interact with me, I'm hoping it will work.
So back to "buttering" him up - I hope that he will stop using Smart Balance and find this blog to be sufficiently satisfying. Best of all, it's real and is not trying to be something else.