Monday, March 10, 2008

Mor-ass

It seems like my previous post on Cottonelle has garnered some really interesting and charged responses as well as confusion, so a Part Deux is required.

  1. It's a total travesty that society believes that wiping with toilet paper is enough.
  2. Soft toilet paper, bleached toilet paper and 2 ply toilet paper are usually a waste of resources. They're nice to have only in few and specific instances.
  3. I believe you should wash your tushy after making a bowel movement. You can do this with a bidet or the good old fashioned way - jump into the shower and wash with soap and water.
  4. I mentioned earlier how men get excited when women talk about sex or body parts. Well they also get excited and engaged when you talk about bowel movements. One nice thing about talking about this topic instead of sex is that you can impress them and keep them interested without leading them to believe that you might have sex with them. You get them hot and heavy without having sex or talking about sex! I never saw my husband so happy and excited to talk about something!
  5. Talking about poopy is my mom's admitted interest. She takes joy in reporting to me how my kids have pooped - how many times, the consistency, etc. Doesn't that give you insight to my personality? This is the kind of daily conversation I grew up with. I have an unfair advantage over other ladies in pleasing men. Unbeknownst to my mom, all her shit talk was very good geisha training.
  6. I don't like Grand Central taken over by Cottonelle because it's like plastering all of Grand Central with toilet paper. It seems disrespectful. On top of that, it's a toilet paper that I would never buy for various reasons.
  7. All dictionaries should use Josh's example of niggling on fragile toilet paper, causing your finger(s) to make contact with your bh for the regret entry. That is such a vivid illustration and it is understood and accepted by everyone. It's so universal that uttering it should be the new ice-breaker (instead of the weather) - instant bonding with anyone you meet or talk to!

I hope this clears up all the questions, but I'm happy to take on any more.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is an incredible blog. To think that a 30 something mother of two would stoop to the subject of bowel movements. This is the lowest form of humor like when I pick up my grandson, put my mouth to his ear and he starts laughing uncontrollably because he knows I'm going to make an eardrum-popping fart sound.
And I don't think there's anything erotic about bowel-movement talk. If this were the case all those ads for laxatives would have to be censored in prime time. (Yet I have to admit that some of my wettest dreams involved toilets and BM's I'm ashamed to say.
And I certainly would NOT wash my BH in the shower.
What the....

js said...

Excited is bit of a misrepresentation, and as a pick-up or turn-on strategy, I wouldn't recommend it.

js said...

I want to clarify to the author: bunghole evokes Southpark, which is funny and ridiculous ... Nothing sexually provocative about it.