Friday, March 28, 2008

What the heck are Bear Stearns employees doing?

JS, a male Bear Stearns employee talks to me in this third installment.

Me: It's been about two weeks since the merger with JPM was announced. What are you doing at work?
JS: My main business in pretty much dead. We're really not seeing any customer business. But I'm there because I'm waiting to see what the next step is. So I've been trying to develop a prop trading strategy. It's been at the very least interesting.
Me: Why would JPM want to buy a building with no business?
JS: I think we can get customers back. But we need to know what our current situation is because no one is going to bother getting customers until we know the status of our jobs. Until we know, we're just a shell.
Me: Anything newsworthy or juicy that only a Bear employee would know?
JS:People go on interviews and they basically do it confidentially [without telling anybody], when they're on those interviews, they also see their coworkers interviewing at the same place and same time. It's always a funny moment.
Me: Um, how do you know this?
JS: Personal experience. It happened to me.
Me: Someone at HQ was very angry as he relayed to me that they blocked takeareport.com. He conjectured that they must have figured out that too many employees were wasting their time there. So what websites are you going to?
JS: I don't go to websites that are not reasonably relevant.
Me: No jailbabes.com for you?
JS: No
Me: How can you take it? Just sitting there?
JS: I'm not just sitting there. There are middle office people who are trying to pass themselves off as traders. So they've been picking my brain asking endless questions about trading to pass themselves off as traders. The funny thing is there are some questions they ask that I have to tell them it's really outside the scope of what their brain can comprehend.
Me: What happens in a moment like that? How does it make them feel?
JS: They accept that.
Me: Don't they think you're a prick?
JS: I AM a prick. But they respect that I'm sharing my knowledge because no one else would take the time. My knowledge is broad and deep.
Me: Do you think they will be successful as traders?
JS: I don't think they'll be able to get a job like that.
Me: Why not? You've mentioned to me that interviews are just conversations, not really interviews.
JS: They are at the higher levels. At the more junior levels they are more detailed and less conversational.
Me: What if they wore a headset and you talked in their ear telling them how to answer each question?
JS: It could work with a lot of practice.
Me: So how do you get an entry level job as a trader?
JS: It's very difficult. Most people join after having a stint with a summer internship program or two.
Me: So the barriers to entry are high. I had no idea what I wanted to do junior or senior year of college to get it together and get specific internships that would lead to a full time job right after graduation...
JS: Yes, the job itself pays very well and it's not that hard.
Me: Are people still going to work on time?
JS: No, the place is thinning out. There aren't as many people there. And they come in later and leave earlier. I think a lot of people are taking time off right now.
Me: Are they getting paid for it?
JS: You can stop going in and still get paid.
Me: How do you know that?
JS: I think it'd be fine.
Me: How was the executive cafeteria compared to the regular cafeteria?
JS: I just found out that anyone can eat breakfast for free in the exec cafeteria if you wear a tie. Maybe you have to be an SMD but nobody checked. So I'll be going on a regular basis.
Me: What kind of offerings do they have in the exec cafeteria?
JS: Honestly it wasn't very good. Yogurt, fruit, juice, milk cereal. Some pastries. Cold bagels.
Me: What about the set up?
JS: Service is like a hotel and the set up is nice but the food is pretty basic, not impressive.
Me: Have you ever been in the executive bathrooms?
JS: Supposedly Ace Greenburg has a bathroom on our floor. But it's hard to believe that there's plumbing on that side of the building. But people seem to believe that it's true.
Me: I heard that the 14th floor has exec bathrooms.
JS: I only knew about the 14th floor having conference rooms. I'll go check it out [to see if there are any exec bathrooms] on Monday.
Me: Why?
JS: Our bathrooms are sucky. They're crowded. They stink.
Me: What do they stink of?
JS: Feces.
Me: Are people not flushing, is there poor ventilation; what's the cause?
JS: Large stinky dumps.
Me: Do you dump at work?
JS: I try to use a handicapped bathroom.
Me; Why is that better?
JS: Higher toilet seat.
Me: How does that help?
JS: Keeps my balls out of the cold water.
Me: I think that's a good end to this interview. Thank you very much, JS.

Addendum: After the interview and when my disgust for JS's final answer subsided, I thought about how it doesn't make any sense. The distance between the toilet seat and the water well / bowl would have to be greater than a regular toilet[for his balls not to hit the water], but when I think of handicapped toilets, I think of a higher base/stem/pedestal. I don't see how a higher base would help his situation.

URL Propagated so fast, I fell off my chair!

Within minutes of purchasing www.bearstearnsspouse.com, the domain has propagated and the URL works! Incredible!

I have a new blog!!!

Bear Stearns Spouse - that's what I am.
The new blog is at http://bearstearnsspouse.blogspot.com/ or http://www.bearstearnspouse.com/

I just bought the domain for $10, it will be a few days before the second link will work.
My Bear Stearns spouse is probably not happy about the money spent, equivalent to one share of Bear. But I'm in a weird emotional state, so I'm allowed to give myself petty spendthrift indulgences.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Blog - safe haven

So I had to get up and speak in front of the entire company today. I usually dread it because I don't think I'm very good at it and it scares the bejesus out of me. I prefer to interact with people one or one or write blogs as forms of communication.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Another blog from Lost in Dixie

Here goes another post from my friend, Lost in Dixie:
While in the doctor's office waiting room, I half listened to the television and a commercial on charmin showed up. This commercial featured 2 cute polar bears--each with brooms swatting each others' asses... they said, and this was offensive--you don't want "bits"--use charmin this is so disgusting!! who the hell gets bits unless you have a hairy AH
yet the fact that they chose "bears" indicates that they are a) appealing to men with hairy AHs--or who are as hairy as a bear b) children who think they are cute, will giggle, and then point to the screen.

My assessment is that "bits" is referring to lint (which would be totally relevant to bring up in a toilet paper commercial and if your AH is hairy, it could make a linty situation worse, but it's a problem even for people with bald AHs), not pieces of shit (I assume Dixie is grossed out because she thinks "bits" are pieces of shits?!)

But I'm going to have say that I don't want my blog to become a farce: an open forum to talk about your shit!

What the?


My good friend, Lost in Dixie, asked that I post this picture to my blog. She gave no explanation and since I'm pretty dorky, need to follow through on things and can't post stuff without appropriate attribution, I went to the website. I found out that it's from David Byrne's (Former head of the band Talking Heads?) blog and that the artist who originated this gave some commentary as to the meaning of it all. Before I provide that to you, I attempted to make sense of this photo by Christine Fichera.
A naked man is tied to a tree. A Cabbage patch kid is asking to be held or maybe is worshipping the naked man with shoes. Finally, there is a piece of orange on a little dish.
OK here's the artist's (Jarvis Rockwell, Norman Rockwell's son) explanation, straight from DB's blog - "That's essentially my father and me. My father is tied to a tree, with a light set up. I'm standing in a coracle with a pacifier in my mouth and the coracle has no prow, so it just floats like a lily pad. E.T. is reading from the book."
Hmmm...looks like I have as much clue about it as Jarvis.

Monday, March 24, 2008

1 out of 2 men prefer the blog over an actual mensch

In a random poll of 2 men (with selection bias), 1 out of 2 prefer the blog to the real me.

My in-laws have been staying with us for 4 days. During that time, my father in law kept complaining about my blog not being updated. In a fit of frustration, I blurted that I thought hanging out with me would be better than reading my blog. He pointed out that it wasn't.

In another unexpected turn of events, thankfully, I have a husband who'd rather talk me than read my blog.

Hamantaschen - my new favorite dessert

My mother in law makes the bestest hamantaschen. They are so incredibly delicious; I could eat myself into diabetes and obesity. I asked her to teach me how to make them when I visit VT in May. If I still feel up to it, I'll post pictures and instructions as a public service.

Marriage - One big misunderstanding?

My co-worker, GH (who has a great blog) posted recently about the differing opinions on the point of marriage and it had me in a fit of giggles and tears. He writes, "... what if nobody ever has the same thoughts on marriage? I mean, maybe that's why so many marriages now end in divorce. Is it simply all one big misunderstanding?"

Can you imagine this conversation between Eliot Spitzer and his wife?

Eliot: Hey Silda, there's been a terrible misunderstanding...
Silda: Whew! What a relief Eliot. I knew that you using a prostitute had to be one big misunderstanding. Maybe a set up with political motivations.
Eliot: Er...umm...I meant that affairs should be illegal and hookers legal.

Ha!