Two going on 16

Mom, can I suck my thumb, D whines pleadingly like a teenager desperate to stay out late with her friends.
No, I reply firmly and authoritatively.
Why, she asks me earnestly and with a hint of defiance.
Because, it will give you a boo boo and that will hurt. So don't suck it, please!
Then in just one word, she communicates so much understanding and maturity. In the cutest, most compliant, resigned and wisest voice ever she replies, "O-tay", which is her cute way of pronouncing, OK.

Dinner conversation

I like your hair, Mom says S.
I like yours too, I reply.
Maybe because you like me, says S wisely.
You're just like me, Mommy, D chimes in.

Who's a baby?

Sometimes I tell D she's a baby and she mocks cry for me. Or other times, she defends herself, "I AM NOT BABY! I AM BIG GIRL!!!" she screeches defiantly.
The other day, she smacked S in the back. S started crying and I told S to suck it up because D is just a baby and doesn't really know what she's doing.
D said to S in a mocking tone, "Yeah, I'm just a baby!"

Starting the day

My children are so different. When S wakes up, we never know if she's going to be in a good or bad mood. J peeked into her room and she was banging her foot repeatedly against the mattress - a sure sign of discontentment, irritability and her general state of blase. He played his cards right by giving her a trinket, which immediately lifted her mood.
D, on the other hand, I observed to be stirring on the bed by her stretching and soft grunts. So I start rubbing her forehead. She opens her eyes slightly. She then turns her whole body with great force, makes herself erect and shrieks at me with great delight, "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!"
She grabs my hand, "Come me!" and motions for me to go downstairs. I lose our grip and she yells at me, Hold my hand!
She is smiling the whole time.

Google food

Yesterday, the same generous Googler treated me and my husband to all the free food we could stuff in our face (and purse) at Google.
On the way over there, we were starving. I told J my stomach was growling. He was very excited that we would soon maximize our physical state.
When we got out of the subway, we were debating whether to exit on the NW or SW side. I saw a geeky guy make a beeline for the left and told J we should follow this obvious Googler. He thought it was ridiculous but I turned out to be right! We saw him scoot right into the Google building.
So in the media it was discussed that Google had cut down on employee perks. It was not obvious to me at all. But if you want specifics, here's what I observed to be changes this time vs. the heyday - the first point was told to me.
1. They've cut the hours slightly. Lunch is half an hour later at 11:30 and ends half an hour earlier. Dinner starts at 6:30, which seems reasonable.
2. I saw a sign by the Kosher food case that informed us that this food is intended for those on a Kosher diet. If you'd like to give it a try, wait until after dinner.
3. Exotic fruits like rambutan were not available this time. I did see lychee and possibly an ugli fruit. Otherwise, it was plain old bananas, apples and oranges.
4. Drinks were really cut down - instead of 3 dozen choices, you get 2 dozen.
Other than these minor changes, I did not see any other obvious cutbacks. I thoroughly enjoyed my meal. I ate: sushi, vegan lo mein, and other vegan delights (curried seitan, lentils, tofu, beans).
Right before I left, I swiped gum, fruit leather and a bag of Pirate Booty. J made out with a roll of lifesavers.

Mixed message

This morning, I got out of bed late. It was a delicious and indulgent, because during the half hour of light sleep before one decides to get out of bed, I was cuddling with a thumb-sucking Daizy.

As soon as I got out of bed, she immediately popped out too. She ran to the bathroom and grabbed a cup. As she ran back to me, she asked for some water. I gave her some water and she thanked me in a sweet voice.

I gave her a big tight hug with a squeeze and she squealed with delight. I then asked her, "Do you want mommy to go to work or stay at home?" She said, "Stay home with me!" But seconds later she blurted out loudly and gleefully, "I WANT MONEY!!!!"

How to treat honkers?

Adding to my commuting woes is having to crossing a busy street to get to the train station. There's an official crosswalk, but waiting for the actual green light could mean waiting 2 full minutes or so, which is far too long for any commuter.
Many of us walk a few feet away from the crosswalk to the middle of the street and try our luck there. Some of the braver of us find an opening and then boldly walk to the middle of the street and stand on the double yellow line, waiting for the other side of the traffic to clear. Often times the on-coming traffic will slow down or stop. Today, I was one of the bold ones.
I crossed in the middle of street, away from the crosswalk and then waited at the double yellow lines. When there was a slight opening, a man and I decided to run across. I mostly made it safely across before I heard the horn honking and saw that the other guy almost got hit by the car who didn't slow down. He got really upset and looked like he wanted to throw his paper against the car. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. I don't think it's right to spook crossers by honking or not slowing down. But I didn't think I should throw a rock or curse either.
All of this would probably go away if I lived in a small town. A friend of mine once remarked that he had spread open a road map in the middle of his steering wheel while stopped at a light in a small town. A few minutes later, he looked up and realized that the light had changed a few times. What shocked him was that the cars in the back of him did not honk.

Fermat

Last night, I stayed up super late, past 1AM reading a book that recounted how Wiles, a Princeton University professor solved Fermat's last theorem.
Believe it or not, it was a quick and entertaining read. Of course I skipped most of the math parts and didn't try to do any of the equations myself.
Any way, it is a wonderful story. Fermat's last theorem was unsolvable for over 300 years. The theorem itself is really easy to understand but the proof is over 100 pages long and requires years of training, luck and genius. Wiles studied math for many years and sequested himself for 7 years before producing the bulk of the proof.

I found it hilarious that the mathematical community is gossip-y and political just like the rest of the world.
I felt bad for Galois, a math genius who tragically died in a duel at the tender age of 20! I'm glad that duels are now illegal.
Finally, I felt depressed that I'm pretty much washed up. If I was supposed to accomplish any good, it would've been done a while ago. Oh well.
And it was really cool to learn that infinity - whatever = infinity. Infinity / whatever = infinity. Infinity * whatever = infinity, blah blah blah.

Commuting anger, drama and etiquette

One of the shitty things about living in Scarsdale is overcrowded trains.
This morning like all weekday mornings, a large group of us wait for the train to arrive. When the doors open, we rush to file in like herded cows into the crowded train heading for Grand Central. Once you are standing in the train, the immediate task at hand is to find a seat. There's no guarantee that you'll get a seat but most likely you'll get something, even if it's one of those miserable and undesirable seats where you sit facing a complete stranger and your knees knock into each other's. (Maybe that should be a Craigslist section for singles looking to meet other singles.)
Any way, the woman in front of me requested to sit in an empty middle seat of a three seat arrangement that already had occupants in the "aisle" and "window" seat. Usually when this happens, the person on the "aisle" seat will get up and the seat requester can scoot into the middle seat. Sometimes, on rare occasions, the person in the aisle seat may actually scoot over and you can sit in the coveted aisle seat even though you were the last to the party. (Actually I'm bummed when this happens because I hate the aisle seat. The height of the aisle seat is low and I like to sink my whole body into the seat and lean my head and neck against it and fall into a drool-y sleep. This is not possible in the low back aisle seats - you have to sit up straight).

So anyway, this guy does not do one of the two possible options - doesn't get up to let her into the middle seat or scoot over. Instead he kinds of makes a fuss, which is nerve wracking. For whatever reason, every nano-second counts towards some kind of weird efficiency we're all striving after. Plus, any delay, no matter how minute, will only add to the waiting time of the person behind you who's trying to do the same thing, get a seat. And New Yorkers, even though we have a reputation for being rude, we are actually very polite when it comes to other people's time - we try very hard not to waste it. A few excrutiating nano-seconds pass and this guy still hasn't done the appropriate thing. He then scoots over like 3 inches - essentially taking up 1 3/4 seats. She decides to give up on this seat and probably feels humiliated. She passes him and walks further back to secure another seat.

I wanted to confront him. "Did you pay for two seats?" I wanted to say. Of course I said nothing but I've been seething since.

Anyway, what are you supposed to say to someone when you want the seat that they're blocking? It feels like a strange power dynamic. Why do I have to ask, as if to request permission to get an available seat? There should be a non-verbal sign like a cock to one side of the head that stands for move over, bacon. Instead I have to mumble, "Excuse me" or "Can I sit there?", etc. Oh and once somebody didn't move over, but motioned for me to cross over them to get into the seat. That's weird too. As I squeeze in this way, I'm sure to graze or touch them in some way. Hmmm..maybe that's a part of the ploy. Anyway, what's more polite, to face this rude person from the front or back? Or yell, "please us get up from that seat to save us from some uncomfortable social touching" or "do you really want me to bump into you? i have a communicable disease". It's really not fair and extremely rude for anyone blocking an empty seat next to them to have a power trip. Also hate the people who spread all of their belongings on empty seats.

Another shitty thing is being a petite woman. The chances are slim that I will be sitting next to an empty seat. An empty seat next to a small woman who doesn't smell is like sitting in first class but without the extra charges. If there's an empty seat next to me, I can almost feel the glee of any guy who ends up snagging it. Oh well. It can help for securing a seat for me...sometimes I'm really desperate and have to squeeze in between two fat people that only make 3/4 of a seat available.

Once when I was wearing a leg brace, I couldn't get someone to give up one of the handicapped seats on the bus. I felt so humiliated, I almost burst out into big sobbing tears right then and there.

D as Goldilocks

About a week ago, I was lying down with D as she was going to sleep. She will always suck her left thumb furiously before going to bed. In fact, she probably sucks it all the time, which is why it's calloused, blistered and just really gross. So I've been trying to discourage her from doing it. For some reason, even though it's cracked, red and peeling, she still gets satisfaction from sucking it.

Anyway, I told her to try my thumb instead. I gave her my thumb and she started sucking on it. She thought it was really funny so she burst out laughing. After a few seconds she said to me, "No, this is not the right thumb, I need your left thumb." So I gave her my left thumb. She gave that a try for a few sucks and then concluded, "Your thumb's too big!" She promptly went back to sucking her bulbous, diseased left thumb.

American and Japanese genius

I discovered a brand new tasty snack today at the local Duane Reade - Pringles Stix (pictured above).

They're basically a genius knock-off of not one but two popular Japanese snacks, Pocky and Pretz. Glico should probably sue P&G for infringement. "Stix" even has the same "roasted" on a "grill" markings as Pretz!


Trivia - So Pocky and Pretz is made by the Japanese company Glico. They derived this name from the word glycogen. How cool is that? To name your company after the chemical name of sugar. I wonder if there's a company named after MSG?

D is 2 years and one and a half months old.

D is growing, maturing and changing every day by leaps and bounds. That sounds so cliche but it's true.

The other day, in the morning, she was sitting on my lap and we were watching Blue Clues. I whispered softly to her that I had to go to work. Immediately, she bolted off my lap and ran towards the front door. I had no idea why she did this. I looked over and saw that she had quickly put on her shoes and then she said to me, "Mommy, I go work with you." It just broke my heart.

Last night, she was being difficult about going to bed. She said in rapid succession, "Don't wanna go sleep. Want to go downstairs and eat cereal." Wow, that's like three concepts in one utterance.

Mystery solved!

If you don't want to spoil the surprise, then don't read this blog until you read the post before it.




My fairy godmother turned out to be a cute little thief that I work with. She was craving a bag of Doritos that was sitting on my desk so she decided to take the bag and replace it with Pocky. I was none the wiser, having totally forgotten about the Doritos.

I'm still glowing from winning Beyonce concert tickets for this Sunday! Woo hoo!

Sugar Daddy!

I don't know who my mysterious fairy godparent is but thank you and I love you.

This morning, when I got into the office, someone left a wonderful surprise for me.

It was a package of strawberry Pocky sitting coyly on top of my desk. No note, nothing but good yummy pink stuff. My favorite flavor. How did she/he know?

I was going to have oatmeal and fruit for breakfast but instead, I ripped right into my Pocky. I am now happy and fully satisfied with my palm oil, artificial flavors, trisodium phosphate and sodium bicarbonate. In all seriousness though, I am surprised that Pocky isn't so bad for you. Only 60 mg of sodium and 11g of sugar. The surprise fact is that each serving has 10% your daily value of calcium and it actually contains real strawberry in the ingredients!

HURRAY!

Isn't this so typical?

Josh taking what he wants, despite any opposition.

Daisy Monroe

S Money

Ears and eyes behind my head even while sleeping

Why aren't you wearing your pants, I ask my daughter even though I know the answer.
Because Daisy wet them she said.
I knew she was lying.
S, I know you wet your pants, didn't you, I confronted her.
Mom, you heard that?! she said shocked but also with a smile.
Even though I was taking a nap, I was someone awake for the part when she wet herself.

Quintessential Josh

"Why don't you have an umbrella!" I chastise my husband as we stand under a canopy in front of a store.
"My jacket's waterproof," he shrugs nonchalantly and starts pulling on his hood.
I am fretting like crazy because the rain is coming down moderately hard and I know how I hate for my feet to get soaked. I always feel so poor and pitiful when I'm caught in the rain without an umbrella.
"Come back with me to the office," I beg. "I have another umbrella and you can take this one."
He's pretty stubborn and refuses.
I rack my brain for strategies and then what I come up with is just pure genius.
"Look," I said. "My umbrella is pretty shitty." I point to the space where there should be a handle but it's missing.
All of a sudden he's like a kid in a candy store. He gets really giddy and agrees that my umbrella is shitty. Ultimately he agrees to take my shitty umbrella.

Kids say the darndest things...

Last night I asked if J could give the kids a bath because I felt so exhausted. It was tough for him because they're used to me doing it. Both girls crawled into bed with me. J decided to drag poor D first into the bath by her feet. As she screamed and cried down the hall and into the bathroom, I tried to encourage S to follow her. "Go take a bath with D" I said.

"Why?" asked S. Then she answered her own question. "Because you might trowed up on me?"

This totally shocked me and I hope she doesn't repeat it to anyone else but I simply replied, "Yea". She rushed out of that bed into the tub in a split second.

I relayed her bizarre statement to J and he told me another bizarre statement made by S. He asked her to do something or whatever and she of course asked why. And then proceeded to answer her own question, "Because you might hit me?"

J and I have never hit or threw up on our kids, I don't even know how they come up with this stuff.

More swine flu please

I gingerly walk in to my husband's old room to check on my daughter. I find her head resting on her grandfather's lap as he tenderly strokes her hair.

"I don't think she has a fever anymore," he tells me.

And I guess because she's been given so many treats and lots of special attention when we discovered she had a fever, she responds with, "Mom, may I have a fever?"