Saturday, April 26, 2008

I discovered a new and effective diet foods you hate. Yesterday I forced myself to eat sushi for lunch. It made me want to gag. By dinner time, I was still reeling from the effects of eating the most horrid food I can think of.

This morning, I'm still not fully recovered. Even my favorite foods don't seem enticing.

I'm feeling thin and cranky. I think I'll go use heroin now and hope for a modeling contract.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Despiccable selling strategies

Whenever I get a manicure or my eyebrows threaded or waxed in a new salon, they get so excited to sell additional services in a not so polite manner.

Do you want a mustache wax? they often ask. If I politely say no, they up the ante. How about your back, do you want that waxed? Jesus! It's so wrong to prey on my self-esteem so that they can make more money.

Josh relayed a similar story at Saks. Someone was trying to sell perfume to him but he politely declined. So they escalated it to do you want to get skincare? He declined to do that. Then they lashed the final blow, do you want to get something to correct the sun damage on your face?

How can these scum-bags look at themselves in the mirror every morning? How can they live with themselves, using these cheap and insulting tactics to sell products or services?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

They grow up so fast!

We took Sadie to work today. Co-workers and I helped apply lipstick, blush and nail polish on her. She was loving it. She insisted on walking around with my high heels on.

It's a freaky how a little makeup and high heels instantly transformed my cute toddler daughter into a beauty pageant vamp.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Doody talk

People love it!

Here's a link to an Advertising Age article on how direct the toilet paper ads have been getting and recently, their sales figures are up.

Here's a link to a Charmin ad where a bear gets pieces of toilet paper vacuumed off his behind and later they shake their groove thang more confidently.

This doesn't make any sense

On weekends, I wake up like 2 hours later than weekdays and I can easily skip breakfast without even realizing it.

On weekdays, if I eat something piddling like a banana as soon as I wake up, I can last until a late lunch (past 1 PM). However, if I eat a nice breakfast (like a bowl of oatmeal and granola), when I arrive at work (about 1 1/2 hours after I wake up), by 11 AM my stomach is growling and I feel so dizzy for food. Why do I starve for food and much sooner the more and later I eat on weekdays?!!! You would think a big bowl of oatmeal can last me to a late lunch but as soon as I eat it, I'm ready for a steak.

So excited!!!

I just ordered 21 monogrammed towels from Horchow.
I'll get them in two weeks.

A few things that could dampen the situation:
1. What if they arrive and the quality or colors are not what I expected? Because they're personalized, I won't be able to return them. I probably won't have much luck trying to eBay KSJ monogrammed towels.
2. What if in the meantime or even at a later date, I find other towels I love? Then I'm going to kick myself.

Finally, how come towels come in such pale, demure colors? I'd love to get a rich royal purple but I can't find this anywhere. Moreover, the purple family in towels seems like a rarity. Most people want their towels in shades of white or blue? WHY?!

Monday, April 21, 2008

What Jews and Asians love to talk about

Who pays?
Last night my husband, sister and I got into a very spirited discussion with my in-laws about who should pay for what and how to make that a reality without awkwardness.

Who pays for dinner? How much?
First topic, dinner with a big group. Obviously if it's at your house, you pick up the "tab". But if you invite someone out to dinner to a restaurant and it's for an event like your birthday or because you won some kind of award, then I think it's a little tricky. My in-laws cited an event where they thought the person organizing should have picked up the tab but the bill was split among "guests". My sister thinks that if it doesn't take place in your home, you always split the bill. I think the most awkward thing is that if all you had was a salad or a Coke and the rest of the group consumes a lot more food and drinks, should you pay the average?

Dang it you people who order the most expensive thing on the menu or you lushes that hold your alcohol well because you're increasing my cost to hang out with you....
I do take an internal mental note of people who order the most expensive thing on the menu and then casually pay the average (why don't they loudly cheer what a good deal they're getting?). I think people should put in the average and subtract a little less or add a little more depending on what you ordered. That means you have to pay attention to prices and what you ordered; For some people, it's pretty hard to do and it's not how they eat out or celebrate -- I can appreciate this lifestyle difference. I read in an etiquette book somewhere that if you can't deal with the unfairness of the situation of paying more than what you ate/ordered then you shouldn't go because hanging out with the group harmoniously supersedes fairness. I do think it's an arbitrage situation at the expense of the group for some people who would never order the most expensive thing on the menu if they had to foot the entire bill. So boo on them.

Who pays for what a wedding? Who buys a gift for whom?
The second topic was who foots the bill for what at a wedding and who gets a present for whom. The whole thing is a joke to me. I guess it makes sense to have all these arcane rules if you marry young because you don't have a lot of money so you rely on various people to pay for various parts of your wedding. (Bride's parents pay for the wedding, groom's parents pay for the honeymoon, blah blah blah) A lot of it can be inefficient. My husband served as an usher for a wedding so he had to pay for the tux rental. As his gift he received a men's grooming kit that he's tucked behind some drawer, never to see the light of day. What if the couple just pays for the tux rental and we forget about the "gift"? Or we split the cost of the tux rental with them? As a guest, I don't mind helping to pay for parts of it, I just don't want to be party to these inefficient customs that create more waste for landfills.

I doubt I'll get elected on this platform -- Wedding couples pay for everything. And no gifts!
I didn't get my bridesmaids gifts but I also didn't make them pay for the dresses that they wore. (I did make them pay beaucoup bucks to fly to Thailand.) Instead of having rules of who's supposed to pay for what, I'm of the mind set that the couple pay for everything (except transportation, hehehehe) and if you can't afford it, then no wedding or a smaller scale wedding. And I hate that the default is to get a gift for the couple. How about no gifts as the default? I'm sure a lot of people would tomato gun that idea.

Prescriptions for behaviors (especially my wallet) - Blech!
I hate having to get someone a gift out of custom, I prefer gift-giving when the mood strikes or when I come across something appropriate. Gift giving should be fun and meaningful for both parties, but often it's stressful for both the gifter and giftee because of ridiculous social confines and screwed up expectations.