Artist, pimp, cheapskate or no talent?

So, you might know that I've been complaining for like 'ever about my husband being reluctant to get us a better or SLR style camera. But now that his company is going bankrupt, it's a good time to find creative solutions to avoid spending any money. So what I did today was take a bunch of pictures using different modes and then played around with some image filters. I think some of the results is pretty neat, but my mother's opinion is that the original always looked better. Josh liked some of them but I'm not sure if it's motivated by encouraging me so I can feel good about not spending any money. I look to you for an honest opinion. So without further ado, all the doctored pictures are posted below. I'm too lazy to give you both the pre-and post production pics for a side by side comparison, but hopefully some of these stand on there own. (I was pretty enamored by the focal B&W effect so you'll see a lot of that here.) So what do you think? Should I quit my day job and take pictures of my kids and pimp them? (For a larger version, click on any of the pics)

Indian Toilets!

I found this link:
http://www.pbase.com/jtodhunter/indian_toilet
And it's pretty much the same situation in Thailand -- go through the pictures/tutorial on how to use squat toilets, what to do with the hose or if the hose isn't working, how to use the mug.

Would Josh use a call girl if he wasn't deathly afraid of me and spending a dollar?

Two days ago when news of Eliot Spitzer using a call girl broke out and he gave a brief talk with his wife Silda by his side, Josh asked me if I would stand by him like so many other faithful political wives have done. Of course my natural reaction to this question is suspicion-cum-fear-cum-anger - WHAT DID YOU DO?!! I asked.
Any we worked out that if he were to have a public job and messed up in some way, personal or professional, I promised to stand next to him as he apologized to the public.

Alaska in June

We're going to Alaska in June, and I put together a pretty full itinerary, but one I think we can handle:
Day 1: arrive 8pm, pick up some quick food and drive 1/2hour to B&B in anchorage.
Day 2: drive south ~2.5 hours towards Seward. Hike Exit Glacier (2-8miles rt). Dinner & sleep in Seward.
Day3: Cruise Kenai Fjords glacier bay. Return around 5pm. Drive 1.5 hours north to Alyeska resort in Girdwood
Day 4: spend the morning in Girdwood. drive 4 hours north to Talkeetna. Take airplane tour around Denali - land on a glacier.
Day5: drive another 1.5 hours to Denali for a 12pm water rafting ride through the park. Stay near the park.
Day 6: Take a 5:30 AM bus ride deep into the park, and then out. We can get out and walk/hike wherever we want. It'll be a long long day.
Day 7: Casual, with eventually making our way back to Anchorage (5 hours) for an 8pm flight home.

Sounds like a lot of driving, and it is, but the challenge was to see Denali, and get down to see the glaciers in the same short trip ... so that's it. It should be light 24 hours a day, so we won't be constrained by the day's hours ... just by our own energy.

Bottoms up!

I can't stop talking about Cottonelle taking over Grand Central. I even saw someone (maybe he works at Kimberly Clark?) take photographs of the ads with an expensive, professional looking camera. That's never happened with any other ad. I also notice some people chuckling or smiling as they read the ads -- New Yorkers aren't rude, they're just using the wrong toilet paper. Yesterday as I met my husband at GC during our commute home, I grinned at him and said a toast, Bottoms up! He didn't know what or why, so I pointed to the Cottonelle ad, with a hand clutching a roll of toilet paper hoisted in the air, like someone making a toast with a wine glass with the words, "Bottoms up!"
Hahahahah!

I need TP for my BH!!!!

Part Trois!
A quote of RC's intriguing comments:
"I'm confused, when you don't use 2 ply, don't you just use more? I find that I use more than twice as much paper at work than at home because the paper at work is just thinner. Have you ever tried their flushable moist wipes? http://www.cottonelle.com/product_wipes.aspx
I think they're great. Sorry that the ad offended you, but I think the product is much better than Charmin or Quilted Northern (but only the plain Cottonelle, not the thicker one or the one with all the added ingredients). If you want to talk about unpleasant TP, try living in Europe."

Yes, it's true, 1 ply would cause one to use more, or put you in the compromising and unsavory position of hand meeting BH, as eloquently stated by JS. Digression point: I grew up with soft 2 ply with cloud prints - maybe it was White Cloud brand? Similar in pricing with Charmin, Cottonelle, etc. I used to love using that TP, it as so pretty and I liked thinking how I was wiping my tushy with clouds. One day my mom discovered how over generous I was with the TP and I was given the rule, only 2 sheets at a time and wipe three times. It wasn't until I met Josh that he expounded that the rule for wiping was more subtle than 3x's the charm, look at the TP after each wipe and then act accordingly.
I went to the link for the moist wipes and here's how it's advertised:
"There's nothing like that "just showered" feeling – for all-over freshness, including our bottoms! Cottonelle® brand – one kind thing you can do for your behind – pledges a shower-fresh feeling that leaves you confidently clean."
I think this gives me support that you're supposed to wash after making a turd and the shower is a good place for that. I'm a little disturbed by the phrase "confidently clean".
RC - I had no idea that Cottonelle is superior to Northern or Charmin, I really want to know and hear more why that's the brand of choice. This dog isn't too old for new tricks - I would totally switch if I knew better or different.
Adding to the insult of poor quality TP in Europe, you often have to pay for it even in public restrooms!

Cold from cold?

So there's been a pretty long-running battle between Josh and my mother. She believes that Sadie and Dazee get sick from being in the cold and she has a lot of anecdotal data to support this hypothesis. Most of this falls on deaf ears with my husband and I'm sorta in the middle. My mother's a little more invested in this battle given that she has to deal with sick kids. But Josh and I would like to kids to go out more and spend time in the outdoors. Recently I read something in a magazine about viruses surviving in the winter season but not during the summer -- so I drew the conclusion that maybe my mother is right. Even though people love to say: You can't get sick from the cold/ not wearing hats/mittens as they are transmitted through viruses. Even my Harvard-educated husband enjoyed repeating this axiom, but he failed to acknowledge the subtlety of cold viruses merrily multiplying in the winter but lying dead and dormant in the heat of the summer. I've been trying to convince Josh that my mother has a point by mentioning what I read (albeit published in a "silly" women's magazine), telling him that they call it a cold for a reason, that tropical countries don't seem to have colds/flus and that every time I go somewhere warm for the winter, I'm cured of various ailments. All of this falls on deaf ears which is a little upsetting to me that he would accept time-worn axioms over personal experiences of his wife and mother-in-law. But recently, I got more ammunition to support me and my mother, thanks to Beth's blog and this article that she pointed us all to. They actually proved that flu viruses survive and multiply in cold weather, (interesting to note that the ideal temperature for the nasty creatures is 41 degrees) and that they all died when it reached 86 degrees. Thanks Beth and take that Josh!
So it really stinks that kids shouldn't go out and play too much in the bad weather because they're going to be more likely to get sick. More reasons to move to Hawaii!

Mor-ass

It seems like my previous post on Cottonelle has garnered some really interesting and charged responses as well as confusion, so a Part Deux is required.

1. It's a total travesty that society believes that wiping with toilet paper is enough.
2. Soft toilet paper, bleached toilet paper and 2 ply toilet paper are usually a waste of resources. They're nice to have only in few and specific instances.
3. I believe you should wash your tushy after making a bowel movement. You can do this with a bidet or the good old fashioned way - jump into the shower and wash with soap and water.
4. I mentioned earlier how men get excited when women talk about sex or body parts. Well they also get excited and engaged when you talk about bowel movements. One nice thing about talking about this topic instead of sex is that you can impress them and keep them interested without leading them to believe that you might have sex with them. You get them hot and heavy without having sex or talking about sex! I never saw my husband so happy and excited to talk about something!
5. Talking about poopy is my mom's admitted interest. She takes joy in reporting to me how my kids have pooped - how many times, the consistency, etc. Doesn't that give you insight to my personality? This is the kind of daily conversation I grew up with. I have an unfair advantage over other ladies in pleasing men. Unbeknownst to my mom, all her shit talk was very good geisha training.
6. I don't like Grand Central taken over by Cottonelle because it's like plastering all of Grand Central with toilet paper. It seems disrespectful. On top of that, it's a toilet paper that I would never buy for various reasons.
7. All dictionaries should use Josh's example of niggling on fragile toilet paper, causing your finger(s) to make contact with your bh for the regret entry. That is such a vivid illustration and it is understood and accepted by everyone. It's so universal that uttering it should be the new ice-breaker (instead of the weather) - instant bonding with anyone you meet or talk to!

I hope this clears up all the questions, but I'm happy to take on any more.

I've been forced to think about your tushy and mine

Cottonelle, the toilet paper from Kleenex has overtaken the North entrance of Grand Central station with their ads. In my opinion, they are pretty immature, risque and just wrong. First off, they are using this inane tagline: Be kind to your behind. Secondly, all of the ads make reference to your butt in relation to their toilet paper. Like "We shine where the sun don't."
I think toilet paper for is pretty effective for wiping pee for women. I know that men generally don't use toilet paper when they pee, but maybe they should.
Now, for #2. I'm of the belief that the best way to clean your bottom is to wash it. Toilet paper is a good alternative when you don't have convenient access to wash your heiny. And it is nice when it's soft. But when do you need soft toilet paper? Not for wiping (you really should be dabbing) urine and not when you're at home.
Theoretically, Cottonelle is hoping that you'll convert from whatever you're using and buy their toilet paper to use in your home. But when you're home, you can easily wash your tuchis. That means you can load your home with cheap toilet paper. You might have a few rolls of the good stuff for your guests or when you're in a rush. My conclusion? I think Cottonelle just wasted millions targetting the wrong audience. Why don't they influence the decision makers at Port Authority, office buildings and other public spaces? Well I guess maybe the target audience isn't as smart or anal as me -- my dear blog readers stop spending money on the soft stuff -- totally unnecessary! I do remember that toilet paper at the Hawaiian airports (I went through 3 of them) were two ply and really soft. Now that's SMART!

An investment idea

After my rush from shopping at Costco has subsided and I'm nearly $350 poorer...I'm still amazed not only by the rising costs of food but also by how some goods are so cheap in comparison. First some prices of foodstuffs, bread for $5, blueberries for $9, green tea for $12.50, soymilk for $9, natural juice blend for $8 etc. Yes, these were all gigantic sizes but still I racked up a sizeable $200 or thereabouts, just in food. On this same trip, I also got a terrific down alternative queen size comforter for my mother for $50 and king sized down alternative pillows for me at only $5 each. They are so plump and fluffy, I feel quite pleased with this particular purchase. I'm leaning on them now as I type this blog entry. Is it just me or is that really cheap in comparison with the foodstuffs? I can enjoy these pillows until I die but the bread will only be good for 4 days. What gives?!
The investment idea is to invest in Chilean farms or fruit producers. I've noticed that a lot of produce come from Chile, like blueberries, nectarines or onions. And the prices of this stuff is no longer cheap. Don't you feel like not so long ago onions were like 9 cents a lb and all of a sudden, they're $1.50-$2.00? It's at a point where if I'm disappointed by a fruit I buy, it takes a lot of aloha spirit to not bring it back for a refund.

They need some analytical guys over at Overstock

So I'm generally really bad at math, anyone who's finished middle school can do better arithmetic than me. But last night, even I was able to comprehend what I'm going to call mathematical magic. Here goes Retail Math 101.
I bought some rugs at Overstock because they were having a 5% site-wide discount on all home decor items. I also had a 10% coupon that came in the mail. Naturally, I thought the discounts would combine in a way that would work out to be least in my favor, that I'd have to pay something like this: .9x + (.05*.9x). But I actually got this discount: .9x - (100-.95x). So excited! I don't know if I set up these equations right and they are probably more complicated than they need to be, but basically instead of taking off the 10 percent first and then taking off 5% off of the remaining, (.9*.95 for a total of 14.5%), I got a full whopping 15% off! I know I only netted half a percent more but it's still exciting that the heydey of applying multiple coupons are back!

Interests

Here's what we like to do, whether we'll admit or not. My criteria for this is that we each do this every day and can't seem to stop doing it.
1. Dazee likes to suck her fingers and mouth objects.
2. I like to shop. (I don't actually have to buy)
3. Josh likes to think and research investments and returns.
4. My mom likes to clean.
5. Sadie likes to beg for chocolate, jelly beans, chips or lollipops. She also likes to ask for more if you give her one of anything (like food or toy).
So for the adults, we've each been doing it for at least 10 years if not longer! As for my mother, I feel bad that her interest doesn't seem very enjoyable.

Now we end on a commercial break of Daisy doing her favorite activity.

Who's the boss?

So I'm sure you all know that I'm obsessed with blogs and that my favorite blog that started all of this fever is Beth's. In today's entry she made reference to Gaiam, a lifestyle purveyor of various goods, so of course I had to click on it. And I had to fall in love with everything on the website. I narrowed down one particular item that I'm especially interested in, a "stone hanger". Luckily, it's on sale, but it's still $40 for ONE! I mention this to my skin flint husband who immediately balked and started talking about how he could make one. So I sent him the picture and I think he realized that he probably can't make it without a special type of stone drill so he takes another approach to sabotage me:
"I don’t love them … they might be OK in a bathroom, but seems to me like it wouldn’t go with any of our décor … "
Normally I would retreat and go with whatever he suggests, as he seems to be right most of the time. But this time, I'm feeling a little downtrodden, having my parades rained on all the time, so I decide to take the bull by the horns:
"It would work in the bedroom which I just unilaterally decided should be in the eco theme. And I’m going to replace our sheets with organic or bamboo.
:-P"
So anyway there're two points I'd like to make about this:
1. The first is that no matter how many times my husband talks in circles, doesn't make any sense or even outright lies to me, I forget that the reason behind it all is because he doesn't want to spend any money.
2. It's become unfortunately clear to me that he's the manager and I'm the employee. This is because I'm the one complaining all the time. If I actually felt empowered (like a manager), then I'd make decisions and move forward. Instead, I'm plagued by insecurity because I have to seek approval for all of my ideas.
:-(

Guess I won't be shaking his hands any time soon.

A co-worker of mine was suffering from the inevitable crisis: dry contact falls out of eye, no spare contact or solution in sight...What do you do? If you're like me, you wash your hands and slightly wet the contact, quickly stick in back in your eye and then pray for the best - all the while worrying about scary eye diseases and problems like corneal ulcers.
If you're like him, you promptly and nonchalantly stick it back into your eye.
When he told me that his eyes were really irritating him, then gave me the history on how he got himself in that spot; I gave him my stash of contacts solution that had expired. I'm glad that he didn't bat on eyelash about the expiration date having passed (this would make my husband clap) but I was shocked by his next actions. He took the contact out of his eye, added a few drops of solution and then placed it back into his eye. I chastised him for not washing his hands. You're supposed to wash your hands before you take out or put in contacts. At least that's what everyone tells you; I've always abided by that golden contact rule. This reminds me of another rebel; I remember a schoolmate who did all the three S's you're not supposed to do with certain kinds of contacts: sleep, shower, swim. She did all three. I can't be carefree about what medical conventional intelligentsia tell me. (A real tangent here, but A. and his dad believe that withdrawal is effective birth control. It's ineffective only if you don't know what you're doing, he brags. I think my friends C. and Dixie would agree with A. Josh and I find this so incredibly unbelieveably irresponsible and risky.)
Back to my dirty handed co-worker on why he didn't wash his hands: He asserted that it was what the solution was for. Ick! I told him I needed to blog about this and inflame him. He was OK with that.

We're abominable imperialists

I'm so humiliated and embarrassed by how Hawaii became a state. We overtook their government, an existing sovereignty that we had signed treaties with in the past, imprisoned their queen and forced her to abdicate. Then when the UN Charter recommended that we give "our" "citizens" a choice whether they wished to remain a protectorate, territory, become a state or gain independence - we only gave them one choice, become a state.
We are abominable and disgusting to do this to the spiritual Hawaiian people. Here's our official apology. And an interesting analysis by a law professor about how Hawaiians can re-establish their government and independence from the US.

I could use a little Aloha spirit

So my trip to Hawaii is more than two weeks over and I have a few things to show for it. Lots of photos which I'd like to make a coffee table book out of, fading memories of good times and the concept of "Aloha Spirit". I feel a little unworthy to attempt to describe the ineffable and grand nature of Aloha spirit. But here goes, it rules your heart, mind and soul to guide all that you think, do and feel. Anyone I've talked to who's been to Hawaii will say that Hawaiians are really nice or friendly. To me, to just say that they're nice cheapens their character. They are not regular nice, like the smiles or chit-chatty superficial friendliness of the Thais or happy Californians, but these folks go out of their way to do good. I would prefer to say they have supreme spiritual connectedness. Outsiders or visitors see generous actions, but it's much deeper than that; their minds, bodies and spirits are connected with Aloha and this spiritual connectedness guides all their actions.

Nutcracker - turtle style

We saw a lazy turtle just off the beach. But the really neat sighting
was of the one swimming while we were snorkeling. The turtles we saw
were pretty big - they looked bigger and heavier than 22lb Daisy.
They swim so adeptly in the water and it's really funny to see this
big awkward thing making graceful gliding movements underwater. I felt
like an ogre in comparison with my ugly flippers and flailing
movements.

David Overtakes Goliath

Dazee, my 9 month old daughter wears size 4 diapers while, Sadie, at
2.5 years is wearing size 3 diapers. Hopefully Sadie will get toilet
trained first - chronologically (not in absolute terms because Dazee
might get trained by 2), that is.

Interesting sights on Maui

In no particular order... 1. Twinkling lights of a distant town,
tucked on a side of a volcanoe in a shape of a triangle cup bikini
top. 2. A stand of windswept trees bent in the same direction. They
looked quite whimsical yet deliberate- maybe a giant plumes lego set,
bent by a giant. 3. An amazing banyan tree that looked like a dozen or
so individual trees. Some of the branches grew giant branches that
hung so low, that they began to root into the ground; these branches
looked like separate tree trunks. This one gigantic tree took up a
plot of 100 by 100 and if you didn't know that it was one tree, you
would have thought they were an impressive stand of trees-- either
way, whether you knew it was one tree or thought it was a group of
trees, it was quite a site to behold. 4. There was a kind of pine tree
that had the shape of a palm tree. Each frond like stem were actually
composed of needles.

At 10+K Feet but feeling low

Last night I stupidly gave in to my husband's whining and agreed to
wake up at 4AM and pack up all the kids to go see the goddamn volcanoe
sunrise. I think it was everything my husband and mother hoped it to
be. For me it was pretty ho hum - I knew it was going to be and I was
miserable to go through all those hoops and effort for them to enjoy a
few measley minutes of heavenly views. I'm going to make a long list
of why this experience really sucked for me (in no particular order):
1. I knew it was going to suck but I wanted to make my husband happy.
2. I don't like rushing to get somewhere with the kids. I think it
makes everyone miserable. 3. I don't like long car rides with the kids
- they get antsy (to be expected and I don't blame them) and whiny (to
be expected and I wish they would suck it up like me). 4. We were
ill-equipped and ill-prepared. For that I totally blame my husband for
getting too excited to the point where he couldn't help me make
reasonable decisions. The winds were gusting and the temperature was
in the 40s. However we had mostly spring and summer layers on for
clothes. I worried about getting pneumonia -- that is no way to enjoy
a freakin' sunrise no matter how pretty. 5. I think Sadie, my mom and
I suffered altitude sickness. Mine was the worst - I had a massive
headache and extreme nausea. Mix with my bad attitude for a potent
combination. 6. I asked my husband to grovel for forgiveness and show
some compunction and regrets to make us all suffer. But his weak
attempt to feign such emotions were lame. 6. I despise waking up
early and this was ridiculously early -- maybe I should've stayed up
all night for it. I can't think of anything enjoyable I'd be willing
to wake up early for. I value those few hours in the morning to be in
peacefully in bed. Wow I feel so much better after writing all that
so I'll stop complaining now. I hope I didn't bring anyone down. I'll
end on a happy note -- DAZEE CAN STAND!!!! HURRAY!!!! She's so cute
and wobbly - she can do it for about a second before she shocks
herself as she loses her balance and struggles to gain it with no
success. Luckily she generally lands on her butt with a thud and
sometimes that sudden and scary sensation makes her smile, it's like a
baby carnival ride. :)