I would have been satisfied with any of these pictures but they all came out blurry with the portrait lens. I'm learning that unless the conditions are optimal (my subjects are still; only one subject; I'm at close range; good lighting, etc.), the pictures come out very poorly. TAKE IT BACK JOSH!!! I WANT THE OLD (more expensive) LENSES.
Last night, I watched most of Star Wars, episode III, Revenge of the Siths. It was the first time I saw more than a half hour of a Star Wars movie and actually followed the plot. Because this was my introduction to the series, I had a cornucopia of questions as I was watching. I began to pester Josh. Why do Anakin and Padme have to keep their baby/marriage a secret? Who's the guy Anakin and Obi Wan are fighting and why does the old guy ask Anakin to kill him? Why is there a weird recurrent arm cutting theme? I know giving Darth Vader the respirator is a climactic plot turn, but shouldn't they have given him the respirator right away, even before operating on his limbs? Etc.
I found many of the answers on Wikipedia. They have the keep the baby a secret because Jedi's aren't supposed to marry or fall in love. (This generated an unanswered question, how are the Jedi to perpetuate their race if they can't marry/reproduce? Especially if the Jedi potential is hereditary. Or is it trying to say Jedi's can only have one night stands?!) Anakin and Obi Wan are fighting Count Dooku, a Jedi that turned to the dark side and became Lord Sidius's apprentice.
This morning, as I was riding on the train with Josh, I blurted excitedly, "I know why there's an arm cutting recurring theme! It's a deliberate attempt to prevent the person from doing the force lightning!" I got chastised for being obsessed and geeky. Shut up, he said. Don't talk about Star Wars any more. He treated me as if I was an I-CON (which is different from ICON) card carrying weirdo. But I ignored him and continued..."Or can you do a force lightning with a robotic arm?!"
UPDATE: Greg from work answered all my questions. He scorns the 2nd trilogy so I'm going to have to watch the 1st trilogy to see for myself.
Josh posted another video on break.com. This one garnered even more nasty comments than the previous ones.
I took this one while we were in Iceland two years ago. It's Josh eating glacial ice.
Here's a picture that Josh took; you can barely make out the Harding ice field (covered in snow) from the horizon.
Taken by Josh using the newer cheaper better (as he'd like you to believe) portrait lens. Top: Dazee. Bottom: from left, Sadie, Siri (my sister), me and Dazee.
4 nights straight of poor, restless and short sleep. A few days of bad or no food -- I've been struggling with what to eat. Dinner has been vegetarian. Yesterday's was a few vegetarian "chicken" nuggets and a bowl of cereal. Not very satisfying.
Feeling guilty about all animal products (meat, leather, eggs, milk). What should I do?
After a week of torture (ie. "vacation"), in which my demanding husband forces a grueling boot-camp style routine (for example - I had to get up super early, skip lunch or eat a few pretzels and nuts and call that lunch, then hike 7 miles.), I've slinked right back into all my pre-2005 size 2 dresses that I previously reluctantly cast aside for donation. I don't think these dresses are stylish anymore, I'm wearing them because I have no time for shopping, althought it does feel satisfying to be able to fit into my pre-pregnant clothes. I think my husband is pleased because it helps with the pocketbook. Should I wear my wedding dress to work tomorrow?!
Here's a run down of my last 24 hours, starting with 11PM, last night.
11PM - I get into bed. I'm fretting about going back to work and feel so wound up. I can't fall asleep. I know my husband is going to fall asleep and start snoring within ten seconds, so I feel some loneliness and unjustified resentment.
12:30AM - I've been tossing and turning for over an hour. "Momeeeee!" I hear Sadie shriek. She must have had a nightmare. I go into her room and fetch her. I put her in between us in our bed. I try to cuddle with her but she wriggles around too much. Eventually she goes back to sleep and I'm by myself again.
2:30AM - Now I'm really nervous thinking about how I won't be able to function on just 4.5 hours of sleep or less. Hopefully I'll fall asleep soon.
6:00AM - Sadie wakes up. Thankfully she goes back to sleep.
7:00AM - Josh and Sadie get out of bed.
7:20AM - I make a mad dash out of bed; I'm going to be late for work! On the train, I feel half dead so I try to close my eyes but it doesn't work. My mind is racing about all the different things I have to do at work.
8:30-5:20PM - I'm at work. I'm glad to be back. I missed my neighbors, GH and EL, as well as my co-worker, PG. There are a couple of things that have started to pile up so my head was spinning for most of the day, I even held in pee for 3-4 hours at one point. A few people share some of their frustrations about their work with me and I sympathesize with them. I start to worry about what I can do to help them. As I'm riding home on the train, I get an email from someone asking me to do some work and to turn it around overnight -- the very same frustration that another co-worker had shared with me, earlier today. I'm a little annoyed about the last minute request. Still, I'd like to help out, so I request an 8:30AM meeting for five minutes the next day so that I'm clear on what I'm being asked to do. I get an email back to say that she's on a plane and then a bus so she won't be able to talk to me, just email her the questions. It doesn't make too much sense to me except that she's too busy to clarify what she needs. Isn't that the worst?! If I thought I could email the questions, I would've. I think that it would only create a chain of frustrating mis-communications. To top it off, she mentions the reason why she asked me to do it was because someone else thought I'd be good at it. This someone else is someone who I think is a real weasel. I suspect he only mentioned me so that he wouldn't have to do it. I resolve to email her my questions in the morning. Why should I be stressing about something that someone doesn't even have the time or energy to properly explain to me what's needed?! And BTW, the request is not within my job function, it's more like a favor. Nevertheless, I'm still feeling stress and guilt over it.
6:30-6:35PM - I drink a cup of milk and eat one chicken nugget to for some much needed energy.
6:35-9:PM - I give my children a bath and try to put them to bed. They are especially restless and fractious. Dazee generally falls asleep within 20 minutes no matter what I do, but tonight she's big trouble. Josh got home a little after 7, I asked him to take over reading to Sadie while I put Dazee to sleep. While I'm trying to put Dazee to sleep, I hear Sadie repeatedly whimper with desperation, "Stay wit me Mommy. Mommeeee!!! Momeeeee!!! MOMMMEEE!!!" On and on. I feel torn about wanting to be in two different places. Eventually they both fall sleep but it took a full 2 hours of torture.
9-9:45PM - I'm so starving for dinner but there's nothing to eat. I make a little miso soup. My husband makes a comment about wanting hijiki. So I make that too. We eat our light dinner.
9:45-10:45PM - I'm trying to make up for not blogging for a week by blogging like crazy. How's this for self-love - I really missed my blog.
Normally when my kids get discontented about going to bed after I get home from work and especially if it was a long or taxing work day, it's a real bummer for me. I start to feel trapped and depressed about not having "me" time. But today, I relish everything. It's been the best 24 hours I've had in a long time! It's great to be home.
I love taking pictures of my children while they're sleeping. With my new killer camera and lens, I can but not for long (more on this in a bit). Here they are with their current love objects - Say\dee with "kitty cat" and Dazee with "Lu Lu Lambie." My evil husband is plotting to sell my zoom lens on eBay, replacing it with a portrait lens. It'll let in more light for indoor photography, which you love, he tries to convince me. I like what I have, I don't understand why I can't keep it or if he wants the portrait lens, why it can't be an additive purchase? I'm very upset by this unilateral intention; I've threatened to divorce him but it's all falling on deaf ears. Sucks to have a cheap husband...
On my hubby's request, I whipped up this Japanese side dish, Hijiki. It's a type of seaweed that is seasoned with a hint of sweetness. It doesn't look very pretty in this picture, but it tastes pretty good. It's incredibly easy to make, all you need is oil, hijiki, carrots, sugar, soy sauce, water and mirin.
Stealthy Josh snapped a Kodak moment of me, unconscious and drooling on the bus.
I have been bugging Josh for ages to blog or sign up for Facebook to no avail. When I discovered that he posted two videos from our trip to Alaska to a website, I was really tickled to see some evidence of his Internet self-expression. As of tonight, he's already received 497 views on the running down from the Harding Ice Field video and 725 for the whale splashing in the ocean one; probably more views than my last six months of blogging combined!
Two people even left the same comment for the ice field video, "GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY", they write. I don't know if they're talking about his sexual orientation, his mood or something else. Watch the ice field video, I think it's pretty amusing. He is very talented running downhill in the snow and it's very funny that he's filming himself while doing it. Unfortunately, the video doesn't show the steepness very well - the only way to make it down alive or uninjured is to be masterful at managing downward momentum. I'm very fearful and extremely stinky when it comes to that, so I'm in complete awe and reverence.
We're back from a week in Alaska and here are my random thoughts:
1. Alaska is vast and remote. We didn't get cell phone reception for the most part and when we did it was poor. This was a real shocker since we got very good internet/cell phone speeds in Hawaii. Also, in Hawaii, I had access to regular toilets. I won't go into details about Alaska's but it's was not uncommon for me to want to pee on the side of the road instead of my other options.
2. The most enjoyable parts of the trip: white water rafting in pouring rain (whee! the water was so cold on contact), flying in an airplane and then landing on a glacier (beautiful mountain views), having time to watch a romantic comedy (Definitely, maybe) with very little guilt.
3. Mostly I was homesick and missed my kids desperately. My father in law has a nice blog post about his experience with them.
4. I do not like hiking in the snow! Especially when there is elevation because I hate/fear the trip down. The 7.7 mile rountrip to the Harding Ice Field is ridiculously dangerous. Parts of it were like rock climbing (of course we had zero equipment) and other parts were just too death defying for me. Uncomfortable, dangerous and no fun -- I have a video of Josh wringing out his wet socks after we were done.
5. Completely overrated - the aformentioned Harding Ice Fields (best hike in Alaska, touted our B&B host. Ha!), Denali national park (SUCKS big time: 12 hours on a bus, getting up at 4:30 AM, seeing wildlife like moose, bear, caribou, fox, etc. sounds impressive until you realize they were seen as specks...Would have been nice to have binoculars...still you feel pretty removed.), short cruise in Seward (glaciers were nice, but I'd rather climb/walk/hike/fly to see them).
6. I was very disturbed by how people don't value animal life as much. Furs are more than condoned; they're a way of life. Thinking about how smart salmon are to return to the place where they were born and that large fish like halibut are shot before they're pulled on board makes me conflicted to eat them. Confronted by the cycle of life/food chain (wolves eating moose, bears eating wolves, etc. makes me sad. I want to be a vegetarian. I've reduced my meat consumption in half, but it's not enough. I feel guilty about eating eggs and drinking milk too. It's been on my mind a lot - the struggle and conflict to change my diet.
My final recommendation is that instead of going to Alaska, I would go to Iceland.
These are samples of the grotesque/illegal items available for sale in that creepy store.
I was really sad to be away from my kids for a week. Now that I'm back it's like we're strangers. They've grown and matured so much I barely recognize them and I have a sinking feeling Dazee doesn't remember me that well. So heartbreaking...
I couldn't sleep a wink on our red eye flight; it was like torture.
When I was young, I was able to sleep at anytime anywhere. I remember
sleeping for 20 hours straight on a flight to Bangkok. When we landed,
I was upset and groggy from a deep sleep, I even forgot my luggage on
the plane. I could never see myself be this carefree or irresponsible
now.
We just came out of a very creepy store that sold everything that I
thought was illegal. IVORY, boasts the sign in the front. In addition
to ivory, they were selling mammoth tusks, skunk skins, dog heads,
plastic beads, knives and a taxidermist zoo, complete with bear, lion,
moose, elk, rabbit, etc.
It's a quarter to 9 and I'm getting ready to ride a tram that's going
to take us up 2300 feet to dine at the top of a mountain with views of
glaciers and everything around us. The sun is shining as bright as it
did at 9 o'clock this morning and I just slathered on some sunscreen.
We're planning to take a hike after dinner and get back into our room
by midnight! I'm very pleased about where we're staying tonight
because it's a 4 star hotel. Nice work, Josh.
I finished putting the rest of the 2 dozen or so plants RC gave me into the ground today. I hope they thrive. I will update you with pictures when I get back from my trip to Alaska next week.
I've been feeling a lot of guilt about how I should be spending more time at home or mother differently. And that maybe I should have waited for more spacing between my children so that I can give better individual attention to each. Today, someone at work provided some words of comfort and hopefully wisdom to me. She has teenage kids and said that if you take a group of kids, look at them, interview them, look at their grades/activities, it's not like you can separate them into two distinct groups: Oh-those-kids-moms-worked-full-time-jobs and these-kids-came-from-households-with-stay-at-home-moms.
It's a relief to know that they'll all thrive and that it's hard to screw up big time. A lot of it seems hard-wired and beyond your control?
I can not believe how sweet my friend RC is...after reading my blog which lamented how I won't have any Thai basil in the garden, she took the bull by the horns and bought me 16 lively plants! Contrast this to my husband, who ordered the seeds at least a month too late from a sketchy purveyor in eBay (he only paid $1 but the seeds never arrived). The plants are so nice, I'm sure she got them by doing that normal people do - going into a nice store and getting some help from knowledgeable sales people which ended with the reward of going home with some nice looking plants. If I were to get a divorce from my friend, she's going to have to pay a lot in alimony. I'm going to argue to the judge that she got me accustomed to a certain style of living. I'm sure she'll retort that my husband's lifestyle should be the marker but I'll argue that he just was an affair based on looks while she was the person I depended on for plants, food, conversation, etc.!
Here we are, catching her in the act at various stages. Dazee pretty much stuffs as much food as she can in her mouth. She stops when her gag reflex kicks in and then she throws up. Yesterday, I pulled out a grape tomato, and two large strawberries. It was like seeing a magic trick (the one where he pulls out a very long string of hankerchiefs from something unlikely, like a parrot's throat). As I pulled each morsel out of her mouth, I was in complete amazement over how she got that much volume of food inside her mouth.
It was like running a high quality day care today; we had 4 children in our backyard. High quality because the ratio of adult to children was 1 to 1. Although some of us weren't paying that much attention...
I like to think my 2nd daughter is blond. Her hair is lighter than everyone else in the family. But when we put her next to an Aryan baby, it's pretty clear, she's a brunette, and a chunky one to boot.
A friend of Josh's from college, (names have been changed to protect their privacy), Smoke, his wife and one year old daughter came to stay one night with us. It was a lot of fun having them and for me, it was interesting to see how another couple behaves towards each other and towards their child. Mostly it made me feel like J and I are so type A. They are so relax-o. Smoke even fell asleep on the living room floor, when he woke, I offered some fruit medley, he declined ever so contentedly, "No thanks, I don't think I could be happier than I am right now." But we only had a half hour to get them out the door to the airport! Josh and I started shitting bricks for them. We tried to rush them, but Smoke gave me a nice talk at a very leisurely pace on how he's missed flights before and concluded that it's really OK to miss them. One of the most egregious examples he gave was missing a flight to a work retreat. He had a to buy another ticket on the spot on his own dime! To which Josh offered his iron-clad philosophy, "We don't miss flights in this family. That's not an option." I felt a little nostalgic for my old life, where I didn't stress about missing flights. I guess I could go either way, Type Anal or zzz. Being with J has made me a little more uptight about flights.
Whenever there's a bee nearby, I always thought Josh went nuts. He would go into this panicky, fearful, over-protective mode - "Stay away!" he would bark, while commanding me to run as fast as possible. If I didn't go berserk like him and make a show of flight-or-fight, he would take matters into his own hands and try to push or throw me away from the bee. In fact, I always thought he was over-reacting and treated his reaction as Tarzan-like chest thumping but in a funny way because a big man was afraid of a little bee.
Well I got my come-uppance last week when I got stung by a bee. It's been ridiculously painful. Because it's only the second bee sting in my lifetime, I didn't really have a good idea of how much it can hurt.
Then I recalled that in Thai, a bee sting is called a bee punch. That's a much more accurate statemtent of what happened to me. I got punched by a bee.
Why are companies such flexible job haters? Who came up with this 9-5 (or longer), five days a week bullshit? Many people I know would love to have a flexible job - I know I would love it and be just as productive if not more, if I could get Wednesdays off or work from home 2 days a week or work part time and job-share with someone.
Adding to my idea of mandating food scrap recycling, I'm ready to impose that everyone with a suitable plot of land grow something edible or raise sheep, pigs, chickens or cows. Wouldn't it be great if we could exchange produce/meat/livestock products with neighbors? I offered this idea to Josh on the train but he poo-pooed it, thinking that we can't abandon technology and go back to our ancestral model of acquiring food. Ironically, I thought growing your own stuff is more ethical and sustainable...Last night I was reading a few things about Monsanto, how much chemical processing and fossil fuels it takes to get food to the table and how evil and scary certain industrial practices are. I really feel bad for how animals are treated and scared about all the antibiotics and hormones used in meat/dairy/egg processing.
Why doesn't every municipality mandate food scrap recycling? An added benefit is that we will have compost available for the entire town. Instead, every town I've ever lived in has recycling only for glass, metal and paper. It takes a lot of energy to recycle these things and who knows if it's worth it in the end? Whereas composting food scrap is easy, fast and really works.
So my hubby "hijacks" an email I receive from a friend asking about backpacks to carry babies in on hiking trips. He preaches to her about his moral values- "Cheap Cheap here (we use "husband" and "cheap" interchangeably.) We have the "backcountry" by kelty kids. You can have it (or borrow) if you like. It's decent for the kid carrying (well padded and comfortable), but doesn't have any extra storage. I think we've used two times ... maybe three. Not enough for each family to own one ... I think one per every 4 families is probably enough .. maybe 1 per 5 or 6 families. So feel free to use - also to come visit again. I have a push lawnmower (no gas or electricity) ... you can try that out too if you want. ;)"
Many moms give their 2-3 yr old ice cream at play dates. I feel like I can't refuse it for Sadie because it would create such an awkward situation. I don't give my children ice cream - ever. Yesterday at the pre-school picnic, even the school arranged for an ice cream truck. Both children and adults were lining up for treats, but Josh and I poo-pooed it and even told the school director we thought it was a mistake.
Good thing that my deprived daughter doesn't even like ice cream, maybe because she's never been exposed to it. The few times she's been tainted by getting it, she took a bite or two and turned up her nose. Yay Sadie!!!
I wonder, while growing up, if it ever occurred to my whitey white Jewy husband that he'd be living with an East Asian harem.
Here are the fabled monogrammed towels -- I pulled together three of them.
Whoa! The grass really grew at my mother's old house.
