Monday, June 23, 2008

Getting back to my daily grind

Here's a run down of my last 24 hours, starting with 11PM, last night.

11PM - I get into bed. I'm fretting about going back to work and feel so wound up. I can't fall asleep. I know my husband is going to fall asleep and start snoring within ten seconds, so I feel some loneliness and unjustified resentment.
12:30AM - I've been tossing and turning for over an hour. "Momeeeee!" I hear Sadie shriek. She must have had a nightmare. I go into her room and fetch her. I put her in between us in our bed. I try to cuddle with her but she wriggles around too much. Eventually she goes back to sleep and I'm by myself again.
2:30AM - Now I'm really nervous thinking about how I won't be able to function on just 4.5 hours of sleep or less. Hopefully I'll fall asleep soon.
6:00AM - Sadie wakes up. Thankfully she goes back to sleep.
7:00AM - Josh and Sadie get out of bed.
7:20AM - I make a mad dash out of bed; I'm going to be late for work! On the train, I feel half dead so I try to close my eyes but it doesn't work. My mind is racing about all the different things I have to do at work.
8:30-5:20PM - I'm at work. I'm glad to be back. I missed my neighbors, GH and EL, as well as my co-worker, PG. There are a couple of things that have started to pile up so my head was spinning for most of the day, I even held in pee for 3-4 hours at one point. A few people share some of their frustrations about their work with me and I sympathesize with them. I start to worry about what I can do to help them. As I'm riding home on the train, I get an email from someone asking me to do some work and to turn it around overnight -- the very same frustration that another co-worker had shared with me, earlier today. I'm a little annoyed about the last minute request. Still, I'd like to help out, so I request an 8:30AM meeting for five minutes the next day so that I'm clear on what I'm being asked to do. I get an email back to say that she's on a plane and then a bus so she won't be able to talk to me, just email her the questions. It doesn't make too much sense to me except that she's too busy to clarify what she needs. Isn't that the worst?! If I thought I could email the questions, I would've. I think that it would only create a chain of frustrating mis-communications. To top it off, she mentions the reason why she asked me to do it was because someone else thought I'd be good at it. This someone else is someone who I think is a real weasel. I suspect he only mentioned me so that he wouldn't have to do it. I resolve to email her my questions in the morning. Why should I be stressing about something that someone doesn't even have the time or energy to properly explain to me what's needed?! And BTW, the request is not within my job function, it's more like a favor. Nevertheless, I'm still feeling stress and guilt over it.
6:30-6:35PM - I drink a cup of milk and eat one chicken nugget to for some much needed energy.
6:35-9:PM - I give my children a bath and try to put them to bed. They are especially restless and fractious. Dazee generally falls asleep within 20 minutes no matter what I do, but tonight she's big trouble. Josh got home a little after 7, I asked him to take over reading to Sadie while I put Dazee to sleep. While I'm trying to put Dazee to sleep, I hear Sadie repeatedly whimper with desperation, "Stay wit me Mommy. Mommeeee!!! Momeeeee!!! MOMMMEEE!!!" On and on. I feel torn about wanting to be in two different places. Eventually they both fall sleep but it took a full 2 hours of torture.
9-9:45PM - I'm so starving for dinner but there's nothing to eat. I make a little miso soup. My husband makes a comment about wanting hijiki. So I make that too. We eat our light dinner.
9:45-10:45PM - I'm trying to make up for not blogging for a week by blogging like crazy. How's this for self-love - I really missed my blog.

Normally when my kids get discontented about going to bed after I get home from work and especially if it was a long or taxing work day, it's a real bummer for me. I start to feel trapped and depressed about not having "me" time. But today, I relish everything. It's been the best 24 hours I've had in a long time! It's great to be home.


farnk said...

O I love this shot through the bus window! This says it all. Josh is good at this type of photography: the pregnant moment. He once took a shot of me on a motel bed in LA just after we landed for a "vacation" on the cheap (free air miles on the old Peoplexpress.) The slumped shoulders of despair said it all. Somehow Josh is always able to see a brighter side.

Cassandra Jupiter said...

He's a punk, that's what he is. He also likes to take a video when you're not expecting, like I once gave a tirade and it's all on tape. How infuriating and embarrassing!