Blurry but you get the point.

I made this dress from scratch! No pattern even!

Sisters

I love this picture of my kids that Frank took.

Nice picture of me and Sadie

White out

Here's a picture that Josh took; you can barely make out the Harding ice field (covered in snow) from the horizon.

What is this crap?!

Any idea what this might be? We spotted it on a trail in Alaska.

Pictures

Taken by Josh using the newer cheaper better (as he'd like you to believe) portrait lens. Top: Dazee. Bottom: from left, Sadie, Siri (my sister), me and Dazee.

Super cranky

4 nights straight of poor, restless and short sleep. A few days of bad or no food -- I've been struggling with what to eat. Dinner has been vegetarian. Yesterday's was a few vegetarian "chicken" nuggets and a bowl of cereal. Not very satisfying.

Feeling guilty about all animal products (meat, leather, eggs, milk). What should I do?

Here comes the bride

After a week of torture (ie. "vacation"), in which my demanding husband forces a grueling boot-camp style routine (for example - I had to get up super early, skip lunch or eat a few pretzels and nuts and call that lunch, then hike 7 miles.), I've slinked right back into all my pre-2005 size 2 dresses that I previously reluctantly cast aside for donation. I don't think these dresses are stylish anymore, I'm wearing them because I have no time for shopping, althought it does feel satisfying to be able to fit into my pre-pregnant clothes. I think my husband is pleased because it helps with the pocketbook. Should I wear my wedding dress to work tomorrow?!

Getting back to my daily grind

Here's a run down of my last 24 hours, starting with 11PM, last night.

11PM - I get into bed. I'm fretting about going back to work and feel so wound up. I can't fall asleep. I know my husband is going to fall asleep and start snoring within ten seconds, so I feel some loneliness and unjustified resentment.
12:30AM - I've been tossing and turning for over an hour. "Momeeeee!" I hear Sadie shriek. She must have had a nightmare. I go into her room and fetch her. I put her in between us in our bed. I try to cuddle with her but she wriggles around too much. Eventually she goes back to sleep and I'm by myself again.
2:30AM - Now I'm really nervous thinking about how I won't be able to function on just 4.5 hours of sleep or less. Hopefully I'll fall asleep soon.
6:00AM - Sadie wakes up. Thankfully she goes back to sleep.
7:00AM - Josh and Sadie get out of bed.
7:20AM - I make a mad dash out of bed; I'm going to be late for work! On the train, I feel half dead so I try to close my eyes but it doesn't work. My mind is racing about all the different things I have to do at work.
8:30-5:20PM - I'm at work. I'm glad to be back. I missed my neighbors, GH and EL, as well as my co-worker, PG. There are a couple of things that have started to pile up so my head was spinning for most of the day, I even held in pee for 3-4 hours at one point. A few people share some of their frustrations about their work with me and I sympathesize with them. I start to worry about what I can do to help them. As I'm riding home on the train, I get an email from someone asking me to do some work and to turn it around overnight -- the very same frustration that another co-worker had shared with me, earlier today. I'm a little annoyed about the last minute request. Still, I'd like to help out, so I request an 8:30AM meeting for five minutes the next day so that I'm clear on what I'm being asked to do. I get an email back to say that she's on a plane and then a bus so she won't be able to talk to me, just email her the questions. It doesn't make too much sense to me except that she's too busy to clarify what she needs. Isn't that the worst?! If I thought I could email the questions, I would've. I think that it would only create a chain of frustrating mis-communications. To top it off, she mentions the reason why she asked me to do it was because someone else thought I'd be good at it. This someone else is someone who I think is a real weasel. I suspect he only mentioned me so that he wouldn't have to do it. I resolve to email her my questions in the morning. Why should I be stressing about something that someone doesn't even have the time or energy to properly explain to me what's needed?! And BTW, the request is not within my job function, it's more like a favor. Nevertheless, I'm still feeling stress and guilt over it.
6:30-6:35PM - I drink a cup of milk and eat one chicken nugget to for some much needed energy.
6:35-9:PM - I give my children a bath and try to put them to bed. They are especially restless and fractious. Dazee generally falls asleep within 20 minutes no matter what I do, but tonight she's big trouble. Josh got home a little after 7, I asked him to take over reading to Sadie while I put Dazee to sleep. While I'm trying to put Dazee to sleep, I hear Sadie repeatedly whimper with desperation, "Stay wit me Mommy. Mommeeee!!! Momeeeee!!! MOMMMEEE!!!" On and on. I feel torn about wanting to be in two different places. Eventually they both fall sleep but it took a full 2 hours of torture.
9-9:45PM - I'm so starving for dinner but there's nothing to eat. I make a little miso soup. My husband makes a comment about wanting hijiki. So I make that too. We eat our light dinner.
9:45-10:45PM - I'm trying to make up for not blogging for a week by blogging like crazy. How's this for self-love - I really missed my blog.

Normally when my kids get discontented about going to bed after I get home from work and especially if it was a long or taxing work day, it's a real bummer for me. I start to feel trapped and depressed about not having "me" time. But today, I relish everything. It's been the best 24 hours I've had in a long time! It's great to be home.

My angels

I love taking pictures of my children while they're sleeping. With my new killer camera and lens, I can but not for long (more on this in a bit). Here they are with their current love objects - Say\dee with "kitty cat" and Dazee with "Lu Lu Lambie." My evil husband is plotting to sell my zoom lens on eBay, replacing it with a portrait lens. It'll let in more light for indoor photography, which you love, he tries to convince me. I like what I have, I don't understand why I can't keep it or if he wants the portrait lens, why it can't be an additive purchase? I'm very upset by this unilateral intention; I've threatened to divorce him but it's all falling on deaf ears. Sucks to have a cheap husband...

Look what I made!

On my hubby's request, I whipped up this Japanese side dish, Hijiki. It's a type of seaweed that is seasoned with a hint of sweetness. It doesn't look very pretty in this picture, but it tastes pretty good. It's incredibly easy to make, all you need is oil, hijiki, carrots, sugar, soy sauce, water and mirin.

Enjoying all that Denali has to offer

Stealthy Josh snapped a Kodak moment of me, unconscious and drooling on the bus.

Josh has a secret blog!

I have been bugging Josh for ages to blog or sign up for Facebook to no avail. When I discovered that he posted two videos from our trip to Alaska to a website, I was really tickled to see some evidence of his Internet self-expression. As of tonight, he's already received 497 views on the running down from the Harding Ice Field video and 725 for the whale splashing in the ocean one; probably more views than my last six months of blogging combined!

Two people even left the same comment for the ice field video, "GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY", they write. I don't know if they're talking about his sexual orientation, his mood or something else. Watch the ice field video, I think it's pretty amusing. He is very talented running downhill in the snow and it's very funny that he's filming himself while doing it. Unfortunately, the video doesn't show the steepness very well - the only way to make it down alive or uninjured is to be masterful at managing downward momentum. I'm very fearful and extremely stinky when it comes to that, so I'm in complete awe and reverence.

Alaska: I'd rather be home

We're back from a week in Alaska and here are my random thoughts:
1. Alaska is vast and remote. We didn't get cell phone reception for the most part and when we did it was poor. This was a real shocker since we got very good internet/cell phone speeds in Hawaii. Also, in Hawaii, I had access to regular toilets. I won't go into details about Alaska's but it's was not uncommon for me to want to pee on the side of the road instead of my other options.
2. The most enjoyable parts of the trip: white water rafting in pouring rain (whee! the water was so cold on contact), flying in an airplane and then landing on a glacier (beautiful mountain views), having time to watch a romantic comedy (Definitely, maybe) with very little guilt.
3. Mostly I was homesick and missed my kids desperately. My father in law has a nice blog post about his experience with them.
4. I do not like hiking in the snow! Especially when there is elevation because I hate/fear the trip down. The 7.7 mile rountrip to the Harding Ice Field is ridiculously dangerous. Parts of it were like rock climbing (of course we had zero equipment) and other parts were just too death defying for me. Uncomfortable, dangerous and no fun -- I have a video of Josh wringing out his wet socks after we were done.
5. Completely overrated - the aformentioned Harding Ice Fields (best hike in Alaska, touted our B&B host. Ha!), Denali national park (SUCKS big time: 12 hours on a bus, getting up at 4:30 AM, seeing wildlife like moose, bear, caribou, fox, etc. sounds impressive until you realize they were seen as specks...Would have been nice to have binoculars...still you feel pretty removed.), short cruise in Seward (glaciers were nice, but I'd rather climb/walk/hike/fly to see them).
6. I was very disturbed by how people don't value animal life as much. Furs are more than condoned; they're a way of life. Thinking about how smart salmon are to return to the place where they were born and that large fish like halibut are shot before they're pulled on board makes me conflicted to eat them. Confronted by the cycle of life/food chain (wolves eating moose, bears eating wolves, etc. makes me sad. I want to be a vegetarian. I've reduced my meat consumption in half, but it's not enough. I feel guilty about eating eggs and drinking milk too. It's been on my mind a lot - the struggle and conflict to change my diet.
My final recommendation is that instead of going to Alaska, I would go to Iceland.

I wasn't kidding

These are samples of the grotesque/illegal items available for sale in that creepy store.

While you were out...

I was really sad to be away from my kids for a week. Now that I'm back it's like we're strangers. They've grown and matured so much I barely recognize them and I have a sinking feeling Dazee doesn't remember me that well. So heartbreaking...

What happened to me?

I couldn't sleep a wink on our red eye flight; it was like torture.
When I was young, I was able to sleep at anytime anywhere. I remember
sleeping for 20 hours straight on a flight to Bangkok. When we landed,
I was upset and groggy from a deep sleep, I even forgot my luggage on
the plane. I could never see myself be this carefree or irresponsible
now.

He did it to me again

We woke up at 430AM to ride a stinky Denali school bus shuttle.

Fur real?

We just came out of a very creepy store that sold everything that I
thought was illegal. IVORY, boasts the sign in the front. In addition
to ivory, they were selling mammoth tusks, skunk skins, dog heads,
plastic beads, knives and a taxidermist zoo, complete with bear, lion,
moose, elk, rabbit, etc.

Midnight sun

It's a quarter to 9 and I'm getting ready to ride a tram that's going
to take us up 2300 feet to dine at the top of a mountain with views of
glaciers and everything around us. The sun is shining as bright as it
did at 9 o'clock this morning and I just slathered on some sunscreen.
We're planning to take a hike after dinner and get back into our room
by midnight! I'm very pleased about where we're staying tonight
because it's a 4 star hotel. Nice work, Josh.