XXX

This is too much! While I'm working, my kids' caretakers are encouraging my children to make lesbian porn. Blech!!! Daisee's lips are often full of boogies.

Museum quality kids

Ode to Joy

This really hurt my ears and warmed my heart when I heard Sadieeee (LOUDLY) hum Ode to Joy on the telephone "...la la la la la la..." while I was at work.

Smartvoter.org a great website

I'm proud to be a citizen of the United States. I've voted in every election, ever since I qualified.

I'd like to share a tip for New Yorkers, California, Ohio, and a few other states covered by http://www.smartvoter.org/ What a great website! I gave them $50 today.

Gasp!

As an update to my post on Blaze, I can not believe that funkins cost $20 a pop!
This leads me to believe that the lit up displays that I saw were done years and years ago (by cheap Chinese labor), stored in a "Christmas" attic and displayed and foisted on at $15 per person, once a year to unknowing citizens like me.

Best Halloween ever

I always dreaded Halloween. And same with my husband. We'd like to blame our parents for not instilling a Halloween spirit. This is because a good Halloween costume, as well as Halloween decorations requires not only time, creativity but big $$$.
Last night, Josh and I went to a Halloween party where costumes were mandatory. Ever since the evite arrived and I accepted, I was very nervous about what kind of costumes we were going to wear. Hours before the party, we went to two different Halloween costume stores and almost left empty-handed. None of the costumes really appealed to us and the prices, even at 50% off seemed ridiculous. Finally, I convinced my sullen mate to get some face paint and that we would figure something out.
After we put the kids to bed, we were nervously pacing, thinking about what to do with our face paint. Ultimately, Josh was transformed to Frankenstein and I into a bunny. For the first time, our costumes weren't especially extra-lame. I even made a cotton tail out of cotton balls. But the best part about my costume was that I stuffed my bra and became a really big chested bunny. It was an inside joke, for those who knew me. Because they were so realistic, those who didn't know me, thought they were real -- as they didn't realize that that was part of my costume!
It was really fun and strange to be big chested for one night. I got a lot of attention. Even my friends seemed to like me a little more. But I also felt very self-conscious. I didn't know how I should be dancing or crossing my arms (under my big boobs, I found out from a real big-boobed friend) and I kept walking hunched, trying to hide my big rack.
The party was awesome. The host put an incredible amount of work into the decorations and setting. He had built a haunted house and a horrific maze to walk through -- fun and creepy!!! In front of his house, he erected a gigantic tent, full of delicious home cooked food and desserts as well as this really cool jet engine that generated heat for the tent. There were TVs/screens everywhere playing all sorts of horror movies. I even played Guitar Hero on Wii -- fun as heck! He even had professional DJ equipment and disco and strobe lighting in two separate dance areas. Oh and an open bar (Josh had waaaay too many drinks) and a professional tarot card reader who told me my fortune with the utmost persuasion to the point that I was spooked. Unbelievable that he doesn't charge for such efforts, I felt really guilty at the end and wanted to pay him something.
I had such a good time. I felt like a teenager; we came back home at 2AM!!! I told Josh that for the first time, I felt Halloween magic and felt inspired to think of ways to impart some Halloween spirit to our kids.

Nice hike

We (me, Daze and Josh) took a nice hike today at the Ward Pound Ridge Reservation. It was only a half hour drive but it felt like we were in a different region (New England-y) well as a time warp. The towns we passed through were so charming. Farms, horse country, etc. We saw some delicate looking trees with dainty pink leaves - it was like a cartoon/fantasy. Then we ate at the Katonah cafe, a cute little place with all sorts of people. Usually we end up eating with either loud Chinese people or other parents with kids, so it was nice to mix with the rest of the population. The only bad feeling was that Sadie was not with us; she was hanging out with my mom and sister. Any good experience or feelings I had while I was with Josh and Dase, came with a little guilt that I was cheating on her.

Almost....

These would have been perfect except one of us had to closed our eyes. Aw shucks!

Am I Bi-Polar?

Pirates

Fish

Crypts

Mastodon?

Dinosaur

Recently the hubby and I went to a very popular event in the Hudson Valley called "Blaze". Over 4000 carved pumpkins lit up, touts the website. There were some pretty impressively carved specimens as well as delightful scenes, like of dinosaurs, an underworld, pirates, etc. See our pics here or check out the website http://www.hudsonvalley.org/

Little dinosaur hatching. Cute!

Footprints

OK...now I have to tell you that Santa isn't real. Don't read on unless you like spoilers and don't mind knowing the truth, even if it's ugly.

WARNING: UGLY TRUTH AHEAD

I was very dismayed to find out at the end of the Blaze tour that many of the pumpkins are not real, organically (coming out of the earth) grown pumpkins, but manufactured, foam "funkins". Still hand carved though, the attendant assured me.

This little fact completely ruined my enjoyment and Josh's (but his only slightly). It did not seem to affect our four other companions. In fact two of them even felt relieved that they were not real. (Go figure!!!!) I felt misled, cheated and fooled. Wish I hadn't known, because prior to that, I was delighted, amazed and mesmerized. Do I need anti-depressants? You be the judge.

Nice picture

of my husband and daughter.

Breakfast on the Continent

Don't these series of photos of Daze look like she's some kind of blond ingenue in Europe? They crack me up.

Flying Dazee

I love this picture that I took of Josh and Daisy. She's channeling Superman or a mannequin. I have no idea how she can be so straight and erect.

Highly amused

Who knew that 3rd graders of the Scarsdale public school district could have so much sensitivity to the zeitgeist and aptitude for political satire?

Posted on windows in almost every shop in Scarsdale village are paintings that either won or received an honorable mention for a Halloween themed contest. The content of two such paintings?

One channeled the Edvard Munch "Scream" theme, a pale faced creature with the signature "O" for lips and a look of pure horror. However, the subject was clearly a woman with glasses and brown hair. "Scarah Palin" is her name. "You betcha, I'll getcha" was her scary quote.

Another one was a bat with big, pronounced, girly pink lips. "A bat with lipstick is still a bat", it read.

What would Emily Post think?

While waiting in the doctor's office with Dazee, I noticed a very well dressed and groomed mom with her son. She had on makeup, designer shoes, held an expensive handbag and carried a few designer label shopping bags. She just seemed so pulled together that I was shocked by what was to follow. At one point, her son came up to dear old Daze and was either going to strike her or did strike her or roughly snatched a toy away from her - I don't really recall the details. What was impressed upon my memory is that his designer-clad mom quickly swooped in and struck him, in an effort to stop him in action. She felt a little shock or maybe even embarrassed at her own behavior but overall, I think she felt justified in taking that action. She profusely apologized for his behavior. I thought that the apology was misplaced. I really did not mind that her less than two year old kid was going to hit mine or take a toy away from mine, I think that's normal behavior. I think her hitting her kid was more shocking than anything. I'd much prefer to see a kid lose self control than a well-groomed adult. Disturbing!!!

White Collar Crime

I just got back from the A&P with my husband who attempted white collar shoplifting, used me (unbeknownst to me) as his accomplice and got caught.
He "bought" 2 cans of ultra-premium pasta sauce ($8 per can) by placing them into his cart. He then used 2 coupons to get them for free. As he scanned each coupon, he handed them over to me to give to the cashier. During this transaction, I was not allowed to chit chat with him. I didn't understand why he was being so grouchy. My attempts to make friendly talk was met with aggressive shushing and belligerent waving of the hands. Any way, then he scanned another coupon and asked me to give that coupon ($4 off) to the cashier. His criminal mind was trying to scam $4 from innocent parties. The $4 off coupon was for the sauces that he already got for free. He wanted them to pay him!!! He wanted his net to be 2 jars of sauce and +$4!!!
The cashier stopped him dead in his tracks, called him out on it. "What?! You got the sauce for free, you can't use another coupon!" she chastised. Josh wasn't even embarrassed. "So? I know!" he bellowed proudly and took the coupon back. If I were her, I would've ripped up the coupon and scare him a little by calling the cops. In any case, I wanted to bury my head in the sand.

Girly girl

Dazi actually looks like a girl when I put her into this adorable Peter Pan collar shirt.

My little girl is all grown up

I took Saydee to a dance shop to pick out a leotard for her upcoming ballet class. We ended up getting this sexy little number.

Another refurbished item to add to the collection.

Despite my neck problems and fresh from the anger of my husband's last post, I need to do a little venting by blogging. A few weeks ago, I asked Josh to get me a copy of Ferber's sleep book. For some reason, he made me think that he was going to get it from Amazon, but he needed to save up enough books to order $25 worth of merchandise for the free shipping. That was the reason I gave myself for why it had been more than 3 weeks before I received the book. Flash forward to today: 1 month from the original request - when I get handed a worn paperback, the cover of which I don't even recognize! I flip to the copyright page and was enraged to see copyright 1985!!! I wanted a newer edition of the book ... not this used stupid 30 year old edition. What is wrong with the dr. of cheap?!

"out of network" delight

I spent the last couple days seeing any kind of doctor I could find, to help make my neck feel better. And I realize there are quite a few people besides MDs who call themselves "doctor". The physiologist (not an MD), calls himself doctor, the chiropractor - doctor, the Qi Gong massage therapist - doctor, and of course, my husband "Doctor of Love". Anyway, I started with the Qi Gong masseuse, who did make my neck feel pretty good - a satisfying treatment for $50 an hour. But the next day I went to a specialized clinic where they had many different kinds of doctors: mostly out of network, but one on staff who was in network. They agreed to charge me in-network prices whoever I saw. The best part about this practice, was that they generally catered out-of-network style to local professionals from high-end lawfirms - and there was no waiting! Ever! So I started with the physiologist, who basically gave me a massage on my neck and shoulders, offered a shot of Lydocaine (I declined), and took an x-ray. The next day, I showed up while all the "doctors" were busy, so (since there's no waiting) the secretary took me over to a table, hooked some electrodes up to my neck, which started causing involuntary muscle spasms in my neck ... which didn't hurt, it just felt kind of odd; and especially odd for the secretary to have hooked me up. Anyway, when the chiropractor was free, he came over and gave me another neck and shoulder massage, cracked my neck, and then sat me in a massage chair. I'm planning on going back for more tomorrow: I like the attention, and odd as it is, these treatments (which probably get billed at $300 to the insurance) are less cost to me than the $50 an hour Qi Gong massage.

Please note that this entry was written by Cassandra's ghost-writer, since "my" neck still hurts.

Pain in the neck

The advice I received from my blog post on what to do with my neck was to take a nice warm bath and drink heavily. I asked my co-workers for advice and I got either chiropractor or masseuse. I'll ignore the blog advice for now and take my co-workers'. Today I will see someone who will give me acupressure and tomorrow I have an appointment with the chiropractor. I saw a posting on Craigslist of a guy who is willing to give massages to (only) females for $25/hr. A good scam, I thought to myself.

Mortified!

Yesterday my dear husband watched both our kids while I worked. He took them to meet me at the train station on my way back from work. Dazie's face looked sun-burned, but most noticeable was black patches of dirt and grime all over her face. She looked like a homeless kid. Sadie, meanwhile was wearing only a shirt. That's right, no pants and no underwear.
How could he let them out in public like that?!

Need a new neck

I have a really bad neck ache. I don't know how I got it but it's driving me crazy because I've had it for a week. What really exacerbates it is working on a computer, picking up my kids and living or breathing.
Any advice?

Freak show

OK did y'all see Palin speak last night? I feel like shit today for staying up late to watch her but I couldn't miss it for the world.

I'm very upset that she and her husband decided to bring their infant son (4.5 months) to the noisy, brightly lit convention late at night and used him as a prop to pass around to various people. I think the poor boy should have been at home sleeping. Then when Piper, her 7 year old daughter licks her hand and pats down her brother's hair, I was in hysterics. Also, I can't believe they allowed her to hold him for as long as she did. What if she dropped him?

It's going to be an interesting election. I don't think I can vote for either candidate. I feel bad for Hillary. I can think of so many if onlys...She must be so pissed about the Edwards affair not coming out earlier, maybe she would've won Iowa and change the course of history.

Why doesn't Bloomberg run for president?

Faster, higher, stronger AND screwed over

For the last 3 days, I have been non-stop obsessed over the Olympics. I love watching any and all events - particularly women's gymnastics; I've been following the dramas, trials and tribulations of the US and Chinese teams.
Oh and I love the side dramas too:

1. substituting a cuter girl to lip sync the Chinese national anthem during the opening ceremony.
2. the Spanish team stretching the outside of their eye lids to mimic chinky Asian eyes
3. the poor dancer who was going to be the only solo dance performer among the synchronized masses, falling to permanent paralysis during a practice the day before the opening ceremony because of a faulty platform
4. as well as the thousands upon thousands of poor washed up Chinese Olympic hopefuls, raised in a government run sports camp that never make it - either end up with injuries, paralyzed and always with no other skills to fall back on.

(Some don't even know how to read!) They are separated from their parents at a young age, like 3. They're tortured on a daily basis and fed nationalistic propaganda with promises of fame and riches. Many get washed up at various ages (some as young as 8, as they're cast aside for more talented hopefuls), they end up disabled and/or impoverished. The Chinese are using a cruel numbers game on the race for Olympic gold. Nobody is approaching Olympic training this way so I can't see how in like 10 years, the Chinese will just win in every event. For every Cheng Fei, there are literally thousands who sacrificed their entire lives for unrealized dreams.

Still, watching the Olympians compete, it gives me such pride in the human body; what it can do with training and perserverance.

I'm generally lazy but I've been doing these intense 25 minute workouts every other day because it helps me sleep and keeps me sane. Tonight before I started my workout, I was ready to punch the wall but now I feel like giving my husband and the world a hug. I ran on an incline on a treadmill for 30 minutes straight. Then I did 4 sets of 50 modified sit ups. Now I'm ready for a cool shower and then I'm going to watch the Olympics. They really are torturing my sleep deprived mind and body by running events until 1AM.

Green Barley powder

Love love love love love my green barley grass powder/supplement. It tastes really bad, sort of like sawdust or grass, so I mix it with orange juice and it becomes palatable. It's been great for my digestion and I really believe in the health benefits.

In the background but not really

Here's a really nice picture of my friend and her son, although I've blotted them both out with blue happy faces (to protect their privacy and to further my point). What's really funny to me is that me and my children as well as her husband are part of the background (see red arrows). Normally people in the background are random folk that you would normally ignore should they show up in your photos. Well what happens if you know the background people? There should be a term for this.

Happy Birthday x2 Sadie!

Looking at how happy Sadie looked and felt at her birthday party makes my heart sing. She had been asking almost every day for the past few months in a hopeful voice, "Is it my birthday today?" or "When will it be my birthday?" And since my in-laws are coming to stay with us for a week, she can have another birthday party.

Diatribe on lawn

I hate lawn. I can't imagine anything more egotistical, useless, and unenvironmental. People in the suburbs spend so much time and energy trying to beautify their lawns by cutting it with these loud gas powered mowers (they also smell really bad), using obnoxious weed wackers and pesticides/chemicals as well as wasting so much water on them. It's become such a status symbol...the bigger and greener your lawn...the bigger your "fill in whatever blank you want." Josh says lawn appeals to our sense of orderliness and dominion over our surroundings. It's disgusting how we need to feed our egos to the detriment of our environment and common sense.

I want to get rid of our front lawn and replace it with a productive garden that can feed 3 families, but I'd be the laughing stock of Scarsdale. It makes sense to me.

I heard from someone that this is how American Indians feel about lawn, they're so perplexed why we would waste so much productive space on something so useless.

Joys of fatherhood

Me: My children bring me so much joy every time I see them.
Farnk: Yea, but that won't last long.
Me: What do you mean?! This feeling goes away?
Farnk: Yes, by the time they're 8, you won't feel the same way.

Extremely forlorn by this conversation, I turned to another individual who has grown children, Josh's aunt.

Me: I heard that by 8 years old children stop giving you joy. Is this true? Because I don't want to believe it.
Josh's aunt: What?! Who told you that? Your children always bring you joy. And when they become adults you feel so proud that they've become people.
Me: Farnk told me that.
Josh's aunt breaks into chuckles.

Short Aesop fable

Dazee: Let me try banging on your drums, er bucket. Sadie: Not so fast, less swift but stouter one.
Dazee: OK, I found some bigger and better drums right here.
Sadie: Er, can I try your drums?
MORAL: Share!

I'm flying!

One of the things that Josh invented (which used to appall me because I hate feet) was to lift up our daughters into the air with feet while we lie down. I converted to the dark side because apparently, they like it.

Stay at home stylist

Took the day off from work today and had a wonderful time with my children. I even gave Sadie a spiffy new haircut. Here's a picture of the lovely and freshly shorn locks crawling through a nylon tunnel.

I don't know anyone more stubborn or crazy (except his relatives)

I'm very afraid for my crazy and stubborn husband. He decides in the middle of a nasty poison ivy outbreak to go on a poison ivy hunt around our yard and compost pile, violently anilhilating all the poison ivy he could get his hands on. Despite protests, he went out with regular clothes with very little protection save for surgical gloves which ripped in the process. After he finished the job, he came back into the house raging like a lunatic. "GET OUT OF THE WAY!" he screamed at me and the kids. He slams the door to the bathroom. Dazee is excited to see her father and innocently calls for him through the closed door, "Da da da da" in her sweet sing song voice. "GET HER AWAY!" my husband commands. I lift her up and she starts crying in protest. She doesn't understand why Dada won't play with her.
If he gets a second case of poison ivy or spreads it to one of us, I don't think that will be good at all.

Brother, can you spare a penis?

Strapped in her carseat, in the back of the car, with her little sister strapped next to her, Sadie suddenly and proudly proclaims, "I don't have a penis!"
"That's right," I said. "What do you have?"
She grins, "A vaginis."
I tell her that boys have penises and girls have vagin-NAHs. I asked her, what does mommy have?
"A penis," she responds. "Is mommy a boy or a girl?" I ask, trying to lead her to the right answer by using the Socratic method. "A girl, " she says.
So what does mommy have? I ask again. "A vaginis," she replies. This goes on for few rounds and everyone I ask about seems to have a penis to her, her grandmothers, father and friends at school.
Finally, we go back to square one because she says in a rising questioning tone, "I don't have a penis?!"