Thursday, September 11, 2008

"out of network" delight

I spent the last couple days seeing any kind of doctor I could find, to help make my neck feel better. And I realize there are quite a few people besides MDs who call themselves "doctor". The physiologist (not an MD), calls himself doctor, the chiropractor - doctor, the Qi Gong massage therapist - doctor, and of course, my husband "Doctor of Love". Anyway, I started with the Qi Gong masseuse, who did make my neck feel pretty good - a satisfying treatment for $50 an hour. But the next day I went to a specialized clinic where they had many different kinds of doctors: mostly out of network, but one on staff who was in network. They agreed to charge me in-network prices whoever I saw. The best part about this practice, was that they generally catered out-of-network style to local professionals from high-end lawfirms - and there was no waiting! Ever! So I started with the physiologist, who basically gave me a massage on my neck and shoulders, offered a shot of Lydocaine (I declined), and took an x-ray. The next day, I showed up while all the "doctors" were busy, so (since there's no waiting) the secretary took me over to a table, hooked some electrodes up to my neck, which started causing involuntary muscle spasms in my neck ... which didn't hurt, it just felt kind of odd; and especially odd for the secretary to have hooked me up. Anyway, when the chiropractor was free, he came over and gave me another neck and shoulder massage, cracked my neck, and then sat me in a massage chair. I'm planning on going back for more tomorrow: I like the attention, and odd as it is, these treatments (which probably get billed at $300 to the insurance) are less cost to me than the $50 an hour Qi Gong massage.

Please note that this entry was written by Cassandra's ghost-writer, since "my" neck still hurts.


Cassandra Jupiter said...

I hope my dear fans will call out the horrid style of writing that's supposed to mimic mine. I will call out some of the gross errors:
The doctor is a physiatrist.

And I DID NOT think that the chinese masseuse was a doctor nor do I refer to my husband as a "doctor of love". And he didn't "crack my neck", it's called an adjustment.

And I was using electromagnetic therapy and dry whirlpool.

I could go on and on about how this doesn't reflect what was told to the ghost writer. You're fired.

Cassandra Jupiter said...

I've slept on it and I have to say that I'm still disturbed by Josh's ghost writing.

Farnk said...

I have to say I was completely fooled...and I mean totally. Josh has an amazing talent as a ghost writer (unless this was dictated) because he captured just the right note of open-mindedness and deaadpan humor....