Life is complicated

The other day S was yelling Ouch! from the back of the car.
What's the matter? I asked.
She replied, My finger hurts. I don't want to touch it but I always touch it.

I think this is healthy - making myself useless.

Because I'm a fairly new parent of multiple children, I wasn't always confident about how to handle disagreements between my children. I would do what my parents used to do, which was get involved in the arguments and adjudicate as I saw fit.
And then I read something about how parents should minimize getting involved for a few reasons:
1. Better to let your children work it out so they can learn interpersonal skills and how to deal with each other in a positive way.
2. You could damage the family relationships because your children may see your decisions as unfair and it could appear that you favor one child over another.
3. There are two sides to every story and let's face it, it is tough to be objective.

All of this sounded reasonable to me but I was still unsure until a few events precipitated that made me realize that this really is the way to go. For example, once, I heard D crying and hurling insults at S. So I went over to tell D about how I'm going to put her in a timeout. A friend of mine happened to see the whole incident unfold and told me that I focused on the wrong child. S actually started destroying all of D's handiwork and it made D upset.

So what I do now, even when one of them comes to me to plea their case, is tell them to work it out amongst themselves. And any gripes they have should be directed towards the person and not to me. And I like to remind anyone who comes to me with an issue or gripe towards their sibling that it's not nice to be a tattle and that you need to confront the person who made you upset.

Come to think of it, I can remember when my parents got involved in a situation and the frustration and resentment that I felt when I thought it was patently unfair.

I like knowing that I don't need to solve my children's problems but teach them how to do it themselves. At the end of the day, if they don't need me, I've done my job well as a parent.

Harvard Reunion Social and Judaic humor

My husband invited me to come with him to his class reunion social in Manhattan the other day.
We were in an amazing apartment with serious views and priceless artwork.
It felt very stuffy.

But anyway, I ended up talking to someone who I'd known in the past about circumcision of all things. He just had a baby with his wife and he told me that he was relieved that it was a girl. He also said something that surprised both me and Josh - that he wouldn't have circumcized had it been a boy. His reasoning was novel - he felt that he and his wife were Jewish enough or rather so Jewish that they didn't need to adhere to customs that they felt were just pure insanity.

He had commented that Jewish guys who marry shiksas feel like they need to circumcize to validate the Jewishness. Food for thought. It made me think of two of my favorite Jew jokes -

One, that I could possibly be more Jewish than my husband since I married Jewish. Ha! I love that one.

Two - this is a joke I heard from Josh who heard it from his friend. A boy and his father are standing outside a synagogue during Rosh Hashana. A line of people have formed and the boy asks his father what they're doing. The father explains that they're Jews going to service. The boy is puzzled and tells his dad, But I thought we're Jews?
The dad clarifies, "Son, THEY are JEWS. We are Jew-ISH."

I have been finding myself in a lot of social situations where people ask me, Are you Jewish?
And I sometimes reply, "Yes, I'm Jew-ISH."

Still a little mad

I'd like to think that I'm not one of those sensitive and partially out of touch mothers who refuse or won't admit to any of their children's faults. In fact, I freely talk about my children's faults and will call a behavior like I see it - bitchy, whiny, slow, emotionally disturbed, lame or whatnot (not in front of them because I'm not into giving any of them a complex).

But there is one thing that someone has said about my son that I've taken umbrage with. It's been 7 weeks now, I didn't even hear the comment firsthand and I'm still a little upset over it.

My husband told me that as the mohel was about to perform the circumcision, he remarked as he pulled back the foreskin, "See there's schmutz in it already." Poor Dillon is just a baby, about to experience the greatest pain of his albeit heretofore short life. And he's so innocent. Does he deserve such a mean-spirited, narrow-minded and insensitive comment? We're about to circumcise the poor thing, the moment is already filled with a lot of nervousness and tension and for me, a little bit of fear, doubt and guilt. Did I need such a scornful and gratuitous sales pitch from the person who is the most in control of the situation?

It makes me think that there must be a special place either in heaven or hell for those whose job it is to inflict pain and perform elective surgery (as requested by parents) on baby boys penises day in and day out.

Fruit Snack my ass

The marketing team of the "Fruit Snack" products are geniuses because "Fruit Snack" is really just "snack". They are actually like gummy bears masquerading as a healthy snack. Most of them don't even contain any fruit or fruit juice - it's a total joke and the name should be illegal. Hello, FDA, wake up!
I can't even believe that schools give these out to children.
And that it became a part of my daughter's vocabulary. So I set about to fix that, explaining to her what "Fruit Snacks" really are. So today when she told me that she got Fruit Snacks at a playdate but she knows they're really gummies, it just warmed my heart.

What made me laugh out loud was when she said, Why do some mommies give out a lot of junk and other mommies don't?

You can't trick me

This morning as D was sitting on the potty, she complained that it hurt.
I told her that when you don't eat fruits and vegetables you get hard poopy.
I reminded her how she scarfed down the pretzels which makes poopy hard.
"I JUST had pretzels" she retorted.

My Irish Daughter

Last night I went into S's room to do a final tuck in. She was happily dancing a little jig on top of her bed. What are you doing? I asked.
"Doing an Irish dance" she answered matter of factly.

Can't wait for homophones and palindromes

It always amazes me when my two children at 4ish and 2ish can have a coherent conversation with each other.

A few months ago, D was saying Who beeped the horn?, a favorite question of hers when she is riding in the car and hears someone honk the horn.
Meanwhile, S quickly said, Mooooom, D said Poopy the horn. I don't know if this is what she actually heard and she's trying to get clarification or she's engaging in a favorite activity of hers, getting her sister into trouble. Judging by her tone, it's more the latter.
Of course D is now bigger and smarter, very capable of defending herself (much more capable and mature than the days when S would ride a tricycle and D would crawl after her and sometimes D would get her fingers run on, poor thing). D retorted, No I didn't say POOPY the horn, I said WHO BEEPED the horn.
It always amuses me to hear them bickering comprehensibly considering how much nonsense they used to say.

Is this sanitary?

My mom (who's obsessed with killing germs) and other Thai people I've lived with (who isn't obsessed with sterilizing) and remember (my dad) both believe in what I think is a strange practice. They bring stuff to a boil and leave it sitting (outside of the fridge), believing that this is a hygienic way to store food. I've been thinking that this actually creates more bacteria or germs. Or maybe my husband put that idea into my head. In any case we agree on this one. And recently I thought I read that after cooking food, store it right away in the fridge - do not wait for it to cool down.

The other day, I made a huge pot of soup. After eating some, I was remarking to my mother how I didn't look forward to putting it all in Tupperware so that it can be stored in the fridge. Quick as the ninja that she is, she turned on the gas and said, Just bring it to a boil and leave it there. This time, I was especially confused because it came to a boil just under an hour ago.


I'd like to know 2 things:
I need to find out if this is pure genius or insanity.
I'm going to poll all the other Thai people I know to find if this practice is more widespread.

Thanks Josh

Sometimes it ends up being really nice when you have a cheap and controlling Jewish husband who refuses to let you buy a KitchenAid stand mixer because he thinks the Cuisinart (food processor) can do the same job. He then proves it by making 4 sweet and delicious challahs using the Cuisinart.

UPDATE: It's also nice that he takes in stride whatever insults I may hurl on him on the World Wide Web.

This made me laugh

A lady in a ginormous monster truck was backing out of a parking spot at the supermarket today. It took her more than 5 tries. She honked at me to move my shopping cart. I thought there was enough clearance but I complied and moved it.

A 70 year old James Dean wanna-be (complete with the over-gelled hair, distressed leather jacket and low cut t-shirt) pulled up next to me and started sympathizing. "She had more than enough room; she shouldn't be driving that thing if she can't drive."

"Maybe I shouldn't have left the cart there," I said. I always feel bad about not putting it back in the front of the store. It seems so wasteful to hire an entire person to do this job.

"It's not your fault, honey," he croaked. Geez, he must smoke like 2 packs a day. "Everyone leaves their carts out."

Then he promptly parks his car into a handicapped spot! I didn't see a handicapped sticker or plate. I was going to stick around and see if he walked without any aids. If not, I was fantasizing about telling him off even though he was siding with me re: the shopping cart.

Of course I did nothing and drove off chuckling.

Downpour

I asked Sadie to pour out some bread crumbs for me as I was breading some fish fillets. She brought over the container and poured waaaay too much out. Right away I realized I should've coached her through it to pour it out gently and with control.

"Oh, it's too much!" I exclaim with some calamity since I don't like waste.

"That's because kids don't know how much grown ups want," says S wisely.

Do they design these things with 4 yr olds in mind?

Yesterday, I was browsing the Internet on a laptop with S standing right by me. Things were quiet and uneventful until a pop up window came up. Like a well-honed reflex, I automatically closed it. S started whining. "What was that? I want that!". I think the window might've had flashing gumballs, but I didn't look at it long enough to process anything about the nuisance window.
"S, it was junk mail." I told her. But this didn't placate her.
"I want junk mail!" she declared boisterously. "Give me junk mail!!!!"

Mommy's little helper

The two of them relish the other being punished.

S was in a timeout in the living room when she started whining and belting out some insults. Something about putting a spell on me. So her timeout escalated to a timeout in the basement.

"I'll open the door for you!" D says gleefully, running to open the basement door.

Poor Sadie

She's got her issues and is no angel but she's definitely straight-laced when compared with her wily sister.
Two examples:

"Mommmeeeee," Sadie whines. "Dazee's calling me stupid!" she tattles.
"I'm not calling her stupid," says D. "I said nubid!" She turns to her sister, repeating her torment, "NUBID, NUBID, NUBID!!!"

"Stop it Dazee! I don't like it!" S yells in desperation. She's being chased and she can't find a way out. "But I just want to hug you!" D repeats in an overly sweet voice as she chases her sister. Round and round they go around the house repeating this exchange.

Two going on 16

Mom, can I suck my thumb, D whines pleadingly like a teenager desperate to stay out late with her friends.
No, I reply firmly and authoritatively.
Why, she asks me earnestly and with a hint of defiance.
Because, it will give you a boo boo and that will hurt. So don't suck it, please!
Then in just one word, she communicates so much understanding and maturity. In the cutest, most compliant, resigned and wisest voice ever she replies, "O-tay", which is her cute way of pronouncing, OK.

Dinner conversation

I like your hair, Mom says S.
I like yours too, I reply.
Maybe because you like me, says S wisely.
You're just like me, Mommy, D chimes in.

Who's a baby?

Sometimes I tell D she's a baby and she mocks cry for me. Or other times, she defends herself, "I AM NOT BABY! I AM BIG GIRL!!!" she screeches defiantly.
The other day, she smacked S in the back. S started crying and I told S to suck it up because D is just a baby and doesn't really know what she's doing.
D said to S in a mocking tone, "Yeah, I'm just a baby!"

Starting the day

My children are so different. When S wakes up, we never know if she's going to be in a good or bad mood. J peeked into her room and she was banging her foot repeatedly against the mattress - a sure sign of discontentment, irritability and her general state of blase. He played his cards right by giving her a trinket, which immediately lifted her mood.
D, on the other hand, I observed to be stirring on the bed by her stretching and soft grunts. So I start rubbing her forehead. She opens her eyes slightly. She then turns her whole body with great force, makes herself erect and shrieks at me with great delight, "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!"
She grabs my hand, "Come me!" and motions for me to go downstairs. I lose our grip and she yells at me, Hold my hand!
She is smiling the whole time.

Google food

Yesterday, the same generous Googler treated me and my husband to all the free food we could stuff in our face (and purse) at Google.
On the way over there, we were starving. I told J my stomach was growling. He was very excited that we would soon maximize our physical state.
When we got out of the subway, we were debating whether to exit on the NW or SW side. I saw a geeky guy make a beeline for the left and told J we should follow this obvious Googler. He thought it was ridiculous but I turned out to be right! We saw him scoot right into the Google building.
So in the media it was discussed that Google had cut down on employee perks. It was not obvious to me at all. But if you want specifics, here's what I observed to be changes this time vs. the heyday - the first point was told to me.
1. They've cut the hours slightly. Lunch is half an hour later at 11:30 and ends half an hour earlier. Dinner starts at 6:30, which seems reasonable.
2. I saw a sign by the Kosher food case that informed us that this food is intended for those on a Kosher diet. If you'd like to give it a try, wait until after dinner.
3. Exotic fruits like rambutan were not available this time. I did see lychee and possibly an ugli fruit. Otherwise, it was plain old bananas, apples and oranges.
4. Drinks were really cut down - instead of 3 dozen choices, you get 2 dozen.
Other than these minor changes, I did not see any other obvious cutbacks. I thoroughly enjoyed my meal. I ate: sushi, vegan lo mein, and other vegan delights (curried seitan, lentils, tofu, beans).
Right before I left, I swiped gum, fruit leather and a bag of Pirate Booty. J made out with a roll of lifesavers.