Fermat

Last night, I stayed up super late, past 1AM reading a book that recounted how Wiles, a Princeton University professor solved Fermat's last theorem.
Believe it or not, it was a quick and entertaining read. Of course I skipped most of the math parts and didn't try to do any of the equations myself.
Any way, it is a wonderful story. Fermat's last theorem was unsolvable for over 300 years. The theorem itself is really easy to understand but the proof is over 100 pages long and requires years of training, luck and genius. Wiles studied math for many years and sequested himself for 7 years before producing the bulk of the proof.

I found it hilarious that the mathematical community is gossip-y and political just like the rest of the world.
I felt bad for Galois, a math genius who tragically died in a duel at the tender age of 20! I'm glad that duels are now illegal.
Finally, I felt depressed that I'm pretty much washed up. If I was supposed to accomplish any good, it would've been done a while ago. Oh well.
And it was really cool to learn that infinity - whatever = infinity. Infinity / whatever = infinity. Infinity * whatever = infinity, blah blah blah.

Commuting anger, drama and etiquette

One of the shitty things about living in Scarsdale is overcrowded trains.
This morning like all weekday mornings, a large group of us wait for the train to arrive. When the doors open, we rush to file in like herded cows into the crowded train heading for Grand Central. Once you are standing in the train, the immediate task at hand is to find a seat. There's no guarantee that you'll get a seat but most likely you'll get something, even if it's one of those miserable and undesirable seats where you sit facing a complete stranger and your knees knock into each other's. (Maybe that should be a Craigslist section for singles looking to meet other singles.)
Any way, the woman in front of me requested to sit in an empty middle seat of a three seat arrangement that already had occupants in the "aisle" and "window" seat. Usually when this happens, the person on the "aisle" seat will get up and the seat requester can scoot into the middle seat. Sometimes, on rare occasions, the person in the aisle seat may actually scoot over and you can sit in the coveted aisle seat even though you were the last to the party. (Actually I'm bummed when this happens because I hate the aisle seat. The height of the aisle seat is low and I like to sink my whole body into the seat and lean my head and neck against it and fall into a drool-y sleep. This is not possible in the low back aisle seats - you have to sit up straight).

So anyway, this guy does not do one of the two possible options - doesn't get up to let her into the middle seat or scoot over. Instead he kinds of makes a fuss, which is nerve wracking. For whatever reason, every nano-second counts towards some kind of weird efficiency we're all striving after. Plus, any delay, no matter how minute, will only add to the waiting time of the person behind you who's trying to do the same thing, get a seat. And New Yorkers, even though we have a reputation for being rude, we are actually very polite when it comes to other people's time - we try very hard not to waste it. A few excrutiating nano-seconds pass and this guy still hasn't done the appropriate thing. He then scoots over like 3 inches - essentially taking up 1 3/4 seats. She decides to give up on this seat and probably feels humiliated. She passes him and walks further back to secure another seat.

I wanted to confront him. "Did you pay for two seats?" I wanted to say. Of course I said nothing but I've been seething since.

Anyway, what are you supposed to say to someone when you want the seat that they're blocking? It feels like a strange power dynamic. Why do I have to ask, as if to request permission to get an available seat? There should be a non-verbal sign like a cock to one side of the head that stands for move over, bacon. Instead I have to mumble, "Excuse me" or "Can I sit there?", etc. Oh and once somebody didn't move over, but motioned for me to cross over them to get into the seat. That's weird too. As I squeeze in this way, I'm sure to graze or touch them in some way. Hmmm..maybe that's a part of the ploy. Anyway, what's more polite, to face this rude person from the front or back? Or yell, "please us get up from that seat to save us from some uncomfortable social touching" or "do you really want me to bump into you? i have a communicable disease". It's really not fair and extremely rude for anyone blocking an empty seat next to them to have a power trip. Also hate the people who spread all of their belongings on empty seats.

Another shitty thing is being a petite woman. The chances are slim that I will be sitting next to an empty seat. An empty seat next to a small woman who doesn't smell is like sitting in first class but without the extra charges. If there's an empty seat next to me, I can almost feel the glee of any guy who ends up snagging it. Oh well. It can help for securing a seat for me...sometimes I'm really desperate and have to squeeze in between two fat people that only make 3/4 of a seat available.

Once when I was wearing a leg brace, I couldn't get someone to give up one of the handicapped seats on the bus. I felt so humiliated, I almost burst out into big sobbing tears right then and there.

D as Goldilocks

About a week ago, I was lying down with D as she was going to sleep. She will always suck her left thumb furiously before going to bed. In fact, she probably sucks it all the time, which is why it's calloused, blistered and just really gross. So I've been trying to discourage her from doing it. For some reason, even though it's cracked, red and peeling, she still gets satisfaction from sucking it.

Anyway, I told her to try my thumb instead. I gave her my thumb and she started sucking on it. She thought it was really funny so she burst out laughing. After a few seconds she said to me, "No, this is not the right thumb, I need your left thumb." So I gave her my left thumb. She gave that a try for a few sucks and then concluded, "Your thumb's too big!" She promptly went back to sucking her bulbous, diseased left thumb.

American and Japanese genius

I discovered a brand new tasty snack today at the local Duane Reade - Pringles Stix (pictured above).

They're basically a genius knock-off of not one but two popular Japanese snacks, Pocky and Pretz. Glico should probably sue P&G for infringement. "Stix" even has the same "roasted" on a "grill" markings as Pretz!


Trivia - So Pocky and Pretz is made by the Japanese company Glico. They derived this name from the word glycogen. How cool is that? To name your company after the chemical name of sugar. I wonder if there's a company named after MSG?

D is 2 years and one and a half months old.

D is growing, maturing and changing every day by leaps and bounds. That sounds so cliche but it's true.

The other day, in the morning, she was sitting on my lap and we were watching Blue Clues. I whispered softly to her that I had to go to work. Immediately, she bolted off my lap and ran towards the front door. I had no idea why she did this. I looked over and saw that she had quickly put on her shoes and then she said to me, "Mommy, I go work with you." It just broke my heart.

Last night, she was being difficult about going to bed. She said in rapid succession, "Don't wanna go sleep. Want to go downstairs and eat cereal." Wow, that's like three concepts in one utterance.

Mystery solved!

If you don't want to spoil the surprise, then don't read this blog until you read the post before it.




My fairy godmother turned out to be a cute little thief that I work with. She was craving a bag of Doritos that was sitting on my desk so she decided to take the bag and replace it with Pocky. I was none the wiser, having totally forgotten about the Doritos.

I'm still glowing from winning Beyonce concert tickets for this Sunday! Woo hoo!

Sugar Daddy!

I don't know who my mysterious fairy godparent is but thank you and I love you.

This morning, when I got into the office, someone left a wonderful surprise for me.

It was a package of strawberry Pocky sitting coyly on top of my desk. No note, nothing but good yummy pink stuff. My favorite flavor. How did she/he know?

I was going to have oatmeal and fruit for breakfast but instead, I ripped right into my Pocky. I am now happy and fully satisfied with my palm oil, artificial flavors, trisodium phosphate and sodium bicarbonate. In all seriousness though, I am surprised that Pocky isn't so bad for you. Only 60 mg of sodium and 11g of sugar. The surprise fact is that each serving has 10% your daily value of calcium and it actually contains real strawberry in the ingredients!

HURRAY!

Isn't this so typical?

Josh taking what he wants, despite any opposition.

Daisy Monroe

S Money

Ears and eyes behind my head even while sleeping

Why aren't you wearing your pants, I ask my daughter even though I know the answer.
Because Daisy wet them she said.
I knew she was lying.
S, I know you wet your pants, didn't you, I confronted her.
Mom, you heard that?! she said shocked but also with a smile.
Even though I was taking a nap, I was someone awake for the part when she wet herself.

Quintessential Josh

"Why don't you have an umbrella!" I chastise my husband as we stand under a canopy in front of a store.
"My jacket's waterproof," he shrugs nonchalantly and starts pulling on his hood.
I am fretting like crazy because the rain is coming down moderately hard and I know how I hate for my feet to get soaked. I always feel so poor and pitiful when I'm caught in the rain without an umbrella.
"Come back with me to the office," I beg. "I have another umbrella and you can take this one."
He's pretty stubborn and refuses.
I rack my brain for strategies and then what I come up with is just pure genius.
"Look," I said. "My umbrella is pretty shitty." I point to the space where there should be a handle but it's missing.
All of a sudden he's like a kid in a candy store. He gets really giddy and agrees that my umbrella is shitty. Ultimately he agrees to take my shitty umbrella.

Kids say the darndest things...

Last night I asked if J could give the kids a bath because I felt so exhausted. It was tough for him because they're used to me doing it. Both girls crawled into bed with me. J decided to drag poor D first into the bath by her feet. As she screamed and cried down the hall and into the bathroom, I tried to encourage S to follow her. "Go take a bath with D" I said.

"Why?" asked S. Then she answered her own question. "Because you might trowed up on me?"

This totally shocked me and I hope she doesn't repeat it to anyone else but I simply replied, "Yea". She rushed out of that bed into the tub in a split second.

I relayed her bizarre statement to J and he told me another bizarre statement made by S. He asked her to do something or whatever and she of course asked why. And then proceeded to answer her own question, "Because you might hit me?"

J and I have never hit or threw up on our kids, I don't even know how they come up with this stuff.

More swine flu please

I gingerly walk in to my husband's old room to check on my daughter. I find her head resting on her grandfather's lap as he tenderly strokes her hair.

"I don't think she has a fever anymore," he tells me.

And I guess because she's been given so many treats and lots of special attention when we discovered she had a fever, she responds with, "Mom, may I have a fever?"

These made me chuckle

This morning, I groggily and grudgingly walk downstairs from my bedroom, even though my kids have been awake for 45 minutes.

I say good morning to them. D gives me a grin and is obviously happy to see me. S doesn't really pay any attention to me.

I go into the living room and start sitting down. "I'm sitting down," I announce to them.

"Why?" asks S.

"Because I want to relax, " I tell her.

"From all that sleeping?" S says super sarcastically.

Last night, during bedtime, I waited for S outside of her room. D was sitting on my lap. As usual, she was noisy and I had to quiet her down so that S doesn't get riled up. Shhhh! I say sternly to her. She continues with her babbling and loudly. So I put my hand over her mouth.

She starts licking my hand! Yuck!

I shush her again, still no desired results. I put my hand over her mouth again, this time a little more cautiously. I guess this must be some kind of undocumented toddler reflex, because she licks it again, as if on cue.

Shhhhhhh! This time I'm getting really angry. Her response? She starts chanting a soft mantra, in a whisper, "Beee quuuuiet. Beee quuuuiet. Beee quuuuiet."

Why?!

"Oh, S, it looks like you lost your earring, " I remark.
"Why, Mom?" she asked. She's in this period of asking why about everything and every situation.
"I guess it must've fallon off and you didn't notice."
"Oh" She was kind of crestfallen.
"Yea, I'm sorry, we're not going to find it."
"I want to be a grown up!" she exclaims.
This time, I'm the one asking, why. "Why?" I said.
"So I won't lose things." she said wisely.

Here's another conversation where any response from me gets a "why?" from her, without missing a beat.
"I want some water," she yelled from the back.
"Want some wader!" her sister chimes in, equally loud and rude sounding.
"Ask nicely...and it would be nice if you gave it to your sister, D first." we remind her.
"Why?"
"Because it would be a nice thing to do."
"Why?"
"Because you're a nice person."
"Why?"
"Because it makes the world a better place."
"Why?"
"Because people appreciate kindness"
"Why?"
"Because it makes them feel good."
"Why?"
At this point, I'm running out of ideas so I start repeating myself.
"Because being nice is good for the world."
"Why am I asking why a lot?" she said an introspective but also comical kind of way.

Dirty money

Wow, my hypochondriac, germ-phobic mother was right about money being dirty. Read this short article, Can You Catch Swine Flu From Money?

Trouble

"What are the rules of Kidz Club?" I prod S.
Kidz Club is an activity we send her to twice a week and they work on social skills - like turn taking and being polite, etc.

"No hitting!" she says. I don't remember this as one of the official rules, but I play along as definitely I agree you shouldn't hit.

"And..." I reply. "What are the other rules of Kidz Club?" I'm waiting for S to say something like Look into someone's eyes when you talk to them. Or use the person's name when you're talking to them.

Instead I get this...

"No biting!"
"Right...and what else S....what are the other rules?" I'm getting a little exasperated now by these outbursts of obvious social no-no's. So, of course she has to take me over the edge with a societal no-no:

"And no killing!" she yells.

Sheesh. I'm raising a complete punk. Hopefully not a socio-path though....

More time for returns

I just bought $5 worth of Mega Millions tickets. The drawing is late tomorrow night and the jackpot is a whopping $220 mil!

If I win, I guess I wouldn't have to work and would have more time to do returns from my bad decision making from online shopping or from impulsive brick and mortar purchases.

Sesame Tofu

I made a dish that seemed to be popular among a few vegetarians and a baby at our Seder gathering. I was asked for a recipe and here it is, although I'm totally winging it. If you're going to try it, feel free to contact me with any questions, as I'm an intuitive cook and don't measure anything. This recipe is really easy, delicious and hard to mess up.

Ingredients:
Tofu (you can even mix firm with semi firm or soft or even silken (perfect for babies and old folks with no teeth!)-- whatever works, personally, I prefer the softer - these are easier found in Asian markets, as I've noticed places like Trader Joe's and Whole Foods often stocks firm or extra firm.)
Soy sauce (I prefer Kikoman brand)
Sugar (white granulated)
Sesame oil (you can substitute any vegetable oil (corn, canola, veg, etc.), I don't recommend olive but in a pinch I'm sure it's fine)
Sesame seeds (optional - seriously it is even though it's called "sesame" tofu. Sesame to me is kinda of like a flavor and color - ppl are expecting a sweetish kind of brown sauce.)
Scallions (optional)
Corn starch
Onions
Water

Cut up the tofu in cubes and set aside. Cut up the onions in small pieces and set aside. Finely dice the scallions if you're using as a garnish (makes it look a little nicer, otherwise tofu in brown sauce tends to look like you know what) and set that aside. Heat the oil in a pan. Stir fry the chopped onions for a few minutes. Then put in the tofu, stir fry a litle and then add in the sesame seeds. Keep stirring the whole time (makes me feel useful). Add some soy sauce and sugar to taste - season it a little too much as you will then add water to create some liquid. In a small finger bowl, use mix together cornstarch (2 tsp?) and a little water, making sure the cornstarch is "melted" and mixed well with the water by using your fingers. When the liquid and tofu is super hot (boiling over), slowly add in the cornstarch and water mixture and stir as you add. Continue until you run out of the mixture. You can turn off the heat after it's all cooked and mixed through - the cornstarch mixture simply thickens it so it becomes gravy/sauce like.

When you're all done, sprinkle the finely diced scallions on top, if you're using that.

If you want, you can add ground meat to it. Cook the ground meat first with the onions. And if you want something spicy, forget the tofu, use ground meat, all else being the same and then add in Korean Hot bean paste (and other chopped veggies if you want), serve on hot white rice and a fried egg - it's kind of like bi bim bap.