Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Extra Recession Pounds (but not the good, ie monetary kind)

It's 3:30 and I'm dying for a snack but I have to control myself and find other ways to stave off my pre-conditioned all-day hunger because as of now, I'm on the first diet of my life. How did I get here? I don't normally like to talk about my weight but tough times call for super transparency, so here goes.

Starting around last year, every time I saw a picture of myself, it was unusually unflattering or let me blunt, I thought I looked fat. Either my face seemed puffy or my behind looked rather large. I kept thinking it was a bad angle, or poor sleep, or a poorly planned outfit, or blamed some other temporary, external factor. I was really so creative and generous with myself! And the few times I got myself on a scale, it was somewhat of a surprise. First it was 118lbs. I thought, hey not bad, 5lbs above my pre-pregnant/wedding weight, I can live with that and wear it respectably. Then it climbed up to 122. And I thought, oh I'm getting my period, it's all this water. In my mind, I really weighed 118, the "acceptable" weight. So the scale must be broken and my dear husband corroborated with this story (if you're reading honey, I hate to tell you but our scale is not broken). I totally ignored all the signs that I had fallen into a fat trap and believe me there were plenty. Just the other week, I weighed myself on the "broken" scale again and it read "126". Whoa, I thought. The scale is super wrong, we have to find some way to return it. I was in complete denial. Then yesterday, I took my kids to the doctor and did a weigh in for myself. 126. Whoa, that must be wrong I thought. I was still in denial. My dear husband also corroborated with this story, thinking it said he was heavier than he thought he was too. But sometime after the doctor visit, it started hitting me like a ton of bricks. Two scales gave the same weight reading and I think I look fat from recent photos... So I went through some old photographs from 2 years ago until now. I couldn't deny that starting around mid/late last year, I started to look like the Stay-puft marshmallow man. I must have known on some level because I didn't put up photos of myself on Facebook. And then I remembered that my size 4 pants were getting tight so I moved up to my size 6's. When this happened, I blithely told myself that my pants had shrunken from poor washing/drying techniques (*begin rant or wrath on poor mother or husband*). Then, I couldn't fit into my skinny jeans. Damn them for shrinking, I thought, casting them to the back of the closet without nary a thought that I was actually expanding. And alas and alack, now, the final blow, even my size 6's have gotten really snug...after lunch today, I wanted to unbutton them so badly. I may have to move to size 8 or maybe even (God forbid!) my maternity clothes!
I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I need to lose the extra 8lbs. I'm eating 5 large meals a day and like Pavlov's dog or a drug addict, I NEED all those meals. I can't believe I was totally blindsided by the 8lbs. Do I cut down to 5 smaller meals or 3 large meals? Any advice? Haaaalp!!!

3 comments:

Katie & Rich said...

I have no comments except I would love to be even near 126 when not pregnant!

Cassandra Jupiter said...

You're a lot taller than me! Every inch is so forgiving. 3-4 lbs on me is a new size.

farnk said...

This so funny I laughed aloud near the end as you progressed down the slippery slope of denial (with full empathy for your plight.) I don't know why your fretting so: I like women in tight-fitting clothes...