Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Hanging on and in there

Even though I'm pretty lazy and feeble-brained, I do believe in perseverance. It sounds so cliched, but I do believe that if you set your mind on something, you can achieve it. Two cases in point: the first example seems to impress everyone but the second one is much harder and garners very little applause.
The first example is birth without drugs. I did this twice. I really wanted to give birth without drugs and experience labor like my long gone ancestors. Not easy but I did it.
The second example that goes completely un or under-appreciated is nursing and related to it is nursing beyond 3 months. Nursing is so hard and painful the first 6 weeks. Just thinking about it hurts me everywhere. But then it gets easier and the pain goes away. Then you like it and then the inconvenience of it all hits you. Can't go to work parties, go on a date with your husband or take a trip without a lot of forethought, misery and planning. You're chained to your baby and it kills every kind of spontaneity.
Yet there's something magical about being able to nurture a baby from my own body. Every day, I struggle with when I should wean. All the pros for it are based on getting my life back. Today, I announced that I was ready to wean. I enumerated at least 4 reasons to quit. It's pretty easy to come up with reasons to stop. But it's also easy to want to cling on to this special time.
Tonight, as I come home late from a "date" with Josh, I am so excited to see my girls. I gingerly walk into Saydee's room. She's sleeping peacefully. I resist the urge to touch or kiss her. I then walk into Daisy's room. She too is sleeping peacefully. I pick her up from her crib and nurse her. She stays asleep the entire time. But I take advantage of our time together, I smell her; I hold on to her soft pudgy hands; I rub her head; I caress her and try to take in as much of her as I can. I know this stage will soon pass. I enjoy loving her this way and I feel sad that it's coming to an end.

1 comment:

cha-cha said...

so sweet :)